Special Supplement Edition of The 'Gram
May 6, 2001

When the Havenites descended on Vegas, the Imperial Palace Hotel & Casino never expected the hotel to undergo construction work and the addition of a new suite. However, it's just amazing what one can accomplish with a few plastic cups, an ice bucket and a stack of barf bags. The next time you're thinking of taking a trip to Vegas, call the IP and see if they have availability in Room 1818B...and tell them Toonie and Nrmie sent you.

~ TOP TEN REASONS TO BELIEVE YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH TEQUILA IN VEGAS ~
by MosinAlong

From the home office in the ranchhand locker room on Fremont Street...

10. You swear that Fiire sounds just like Louis Armstrong even though you know that just ain't right.

 9. You see Brattie and Normie in the VIP line at the casino and there are not security guards trying to escort them away.

 8. After mixing champagne with the tequila left in your stomach from the night before, you believe there are monkeys flying out of Moomie's butt.

 7. You have a fuzzy memory of security guards knocking on your room door, during what you believe is a wild party, and saying that you were being too quiet and they wanted to make sure the room was secure.

 6. The fleeting sound of a 21-year-old ranchhand offering to show you his rigging seems more real than any fantasy you've conjured up in the past.

 5. You mosey on up to the bar for just one more shot of tequila before last call and the bartender asks you to spank him.

 4. Half of the people you've been talking to on line actually turn out to be pink pigs, white sheep, brown ponies and gray elephants (but they're just as full of hot air as you suspected they would be. ;)

 3. You wake up next to a woman who is embroidering the hem on your pillowcase while simultaneously glue gunning sequins to your toenails.

 2. The one person you thought possessed true dignity and class shows up wearing a pink polka dot dress, gardening gloves with pink roses, a huge straw hat covered in flowers, pink sandals and carrying a turquoise silk hand bag.

And the Number 1 reason to believe you've had too much tequila in Vegas:

 1. After 48-hours of being away from your husband AlfrmCal starts looking good to you ... wait ... there isn't that much tequila IN Vegas!!

~ BASH SURVEY ~
by YellowAlso

Another Vegas Bash has come and gone. The hotel is still standing, barely, and I don't think anyone had to put up bail money. I posed the following question for The Poll:

Ahhh, Vegas! That city of sin, the bright lights, the clinking coins....and scariest of all....Word Havenites!!! What would be your deepest fears, real or imagined, about attending a Vegas Bash?

Toonces464: Finding Al frm Cal naked in my jacuzzi...oh wait, no, he's done that already. Sleeping with Wheatbert...no, been there, done that. Sharing a room with Wizzrobe...nah, the balcony doors lock from the inside. I know! It would have to be the security guards arresting Moppy for walking around the casino in her pajamas at 4 AM...I shudder to think what the bail would be for *that*!

QTPitooty FL: My deepest fear is that there really is no Al frm Cal. Apparently the guy has been a 'fig'ment of everyone's overactive imagination for all this time. 

Hairy The Apes: Before the bash: Having to share a room with Iamagrillinfool. After the bash: Having to spend the night in 1818. I'm not sure, but they both may be imaginary. Seeing Al from Cal Nekkid.

KenRbnsn: Well, since I've never met most of these people, there's really nothing to be scared of. Maybe they should be scared of me - and especially my camera! :-)

HelenaTR: Gee... Although I'm really looking forward to meeting so many of the folks I've seen online for the past few years, I'm not sure which would be more frightening: finding out how many of those stories are true - or not. :-)

Iamagrillinfool: My deepest fear is that I'd show up at the cocktail party all dressed up in my finest, shiniest new fig leaf and Linkie, Mosin, Moomie and Pooky would hold me down, strip me nekkid and Madmom would shave off all of my precious, luxurious hair, all the while happily consuming mega quantities of beer, and CabanaBoyNrmn would be performing "The Stripper" song karaoke style.

QueenLemmr: Being drummed out of the SQD (Shy, Quiet, and Demure) Club, which is why I haven't been back yet. I have to practice being less demure, I think, before I'm ready for another Bash.

Fiireftr: Having to explain to my family about the noogie marks Linkie left on my haid!!

MadMomJI: My biggest fear about going to a bash is that I would have to share a bed with MosinAlong. For that reason alone, you will NEVER see me attend a Haven Bash. <g>

Linkdeb: My deepest fear came true this past weekend when I saw Normie touch Al's monkey.

CabanaBoyNrmn: Well.. I would have to say that my deepest fear would have been passing out first in 1818 and getting parts of my body shaved ritualistically while I slept<G> 

Sorchafyre: I would have to say the fear of being somehow inadequate. In my darker visions there are many people talking, laughing...sparkling conversation...and I simply cannot come up with anything to add, I am irrelevant. Somehow I never went as far as being outright rejected, I've been in the Havens long enough to know that y'all wouldn't do that; but of being on the outside, not being able to belong to the group, that's got to have been my deepest, darkest fear. 

Wizzrobe: Hmmm...I guess the fear that Toonie would not like my clothes, and will force me to room with Real Al and Inflatable Al ::::shuddering:::: I guess that's the imagined one. My real fear is that I end up sleeping in the balcony for the duration of the bash. 

MopHaided: My deepest fear would be that I would get a bit tipsy at the cocktail party & get up to karaoke something like Britney Spears. Oh wait. That happened. It's now probably everyone else's deepest fear. <g>

Myrnaloi: "Someone" made sure my deepest fear was not imagined this trip to Vegas. I have a fear of getting lost and "someone" managed to get us lost in every casino in Vegas. Next time I carry a compass everywhere and maybe pen and pad to make maps as we go. Better yet, bread crumbs! 

~ THE LAND OF THE INFLATABLE BASH GUESTS ~ 
by Toonces464

Several Havenites graced us with a surprise appearance at the bash! Of course, we had to blow them up to get them there (or, should I mention Nrmie cheating and using the helium tank?), but they all had a great time, and mooooooooooooved onto some new residences when the bash was over.

~ TOONS BASHERS SHOULD NEVER KARAOKE ~ 
by Toonces464 & CabanaBoyNrmn

Well, it's official...we may have some great Harmony players in the Havens, but we sure have a bunch of lousy singers (with a few noted exceptions). What could have been worse? For the bashers to have performed certain songs!

 ~ THE BASH BUZZ ~
by POOKyburd

Since it was impossible to log the rooms (for which, some of us are truly grateful), the following are quotes from the Bash...taken completely out of context (which in most cases wouldn't have made much difference), and compiled for your reading pleasure. The names of the quoters have been left off, partly to keep revenge to a minimum, and partly because its more fun guessing who said what about whom. <eg>

"We miss your little butt here. Well, its not that little, but we miss it anyway."

"POOKy, you're supposed to be staying away from those this weekend."

"You molested me and I lost, well, I won, but I lost."

"Uh oh, Bratt took a dive."
"I didn't know there was a step there."

"I couldn't be at the cocktail party humping the chair arms. Do you really think anyone would notice?"

"Wow, the things you see when you don't have a slingshot."

"No, I want you to slather your chest with Shedd's Spread, and get out here."

"Nrmie, take your mouth out."

"Will you light me? I'm tacky."
"If I was wet, I'd already be lit."

"Well, at least part of you will be warm."

"Bottoms up? I think I already did that."

"At least I have lubricant."

"Where's Al's equipment?"

"What's this thing hanging out?"
"Its his blowhole."
"Is he fully blown?"
"Wizzrobe blew him last time."

"Is one can of whipped cream going to be enough?"

"You've got it in the wrong hole."

"What room am I in?"

"Nrmie's playing with his weenie."

"Is that thing long enough?"
"Yeah, I can play two across the aisle this way."

"He's well hung."

"Will you stop banging me?"

"I'm trying to find the bone."

"Paging Jack Sheroff, Jack Sheroff to the white courtesy phone."

"I've got rug burns."

"It keeps falling out of the little hole."

"It's a <TOS>ing BEE! It has fangs and stripes!!"

"I need something fluid in me."

"Is that why the arm of the sofa is sticky? "

"Are you hairy?"

"You need to moan or something."

"I'm in my glory."

"He's gonna earn his dollar tip."

"You want to take your shower while I take mine?"

"Show me your pom poms."

"It is wrong that I'm totally aroused by this?"

"I should have told him to get the squeezable kind."

"I was in there waiting for you to shower."

"I realized what I was doing, stopped, and they gave me a standing ovation." 

"Somebody just reached between my legs and grabbed my meat."
"I'm dropping all my meat."
"Al's got more than enough meat to go around."

"I couldn't swallow."

"I love those things where you squeeze it and the mouth grabs."

"I'm sorry, but this smells old."
"If you hold your nose, you can't smell it."

"Get it off! Get it off! Right here?"

"Nrmie's losing his meat."

"How am I going to eat this?"
"Your mouth is big enough."

"Want some more of this? I mean, its huge!"

"Anybody else want anything wrapped?"

"Once, I had an hour conversation with a dog."
"Did he take you home?"
"No, it was just puppy love."
"I wanna make you yelp! "

"My thing isn't sharp."

"Its too hot, it won't float."

"I'm used to a pour spout."

"Is he a good dancer?"
"No, its the alcohol that makes us think he is."

"Don't put bourbon in that, it'll curdle my thingie."

"How long before we start, I'm hot!"

"Wizzrobe is playing with my balls."

"He doesn't have one of those."

"Her slot-chip filled bra."

"Toonie needs an orgasm."
"Okay, I'll be back in one minute."

"I almost dropped my balls. Amazing where my balls wind up."

"Oh God, he's licking them."

"She's putting them in her nose."
"I'm making something for my employees."

"You're never going to get off."

"Al's gonna give!"

"I'm sorry I sucked. And I'm not used to apologizing for that."

"Something you can put your tongue on. "

"It goes up and down and you put it on your finger."

"Ah hell, batteries aren't included."

"Green, long, stringy."

"Things you blow! Yayayayay!!!"

"That white stuff that comes in packages."

"We can't answer this. Its 'Things You Say No To' and POOKy and I don't know any."

"OMG, it's going up my pants."

"God, you are an airhead."

"You left me alone in the elevator with strangers, and I have Al and Courtzie. Some guy says 'You win a few toys?'"

"I'm gonna put some Jell-O in my pants, and then I'll be happy too."

"I can last 2 minutes... barely."

"I'll be right back, my pants are falling off."
"Did you find duct tape to hold your pants up?"
"Oh God, I'm coming!"

"I didn't miss it, I just didn't go for it."

"She mooned me in the hall!"

"I'm not going to pull anything out of there."

"If we aren't going, I'm taking my pants off."

"Hey Look!! I got in POOKy's pants!"

"Here, put Scratch & Sniff on this."

"Oh thank God I have a normal one."

"One more, he goes in 3's."

"Enough with the rabbit food, bring on the meat!"

"Hey baby, want a bite of my patty melt?"

"Who wants to butter my ear?"

"That was when my pie fetish first reared its ugly head."

"It's itching my pocket, it needs to grow."

"Where did you find condoms with smiley faces on them?"

"He takes his ears out, I take my eyes out. You wanna come up to my room and take out a body part?"

"Just put your lips together and blow."

"Give me your container."

"We need him!"

"We are getting old, Security just showed up because we weren't making enough noise."

"We just grabbed somebody else."

"She just kinda slid right into the groove."

"Me, Roe, Moppy and Poopy."

"She put some stuff on me, and I was moist all day."

"Its not what it looks like!"

"Al, I'm NOT touching your monkey."

"The more I brush it, the bigger it gets!"

"I want one that needs to be spanked."

"That monkey looks happy, he ain't coming out of there."

"There's a monkey flying out of your ass!"

"That's the wrong monkey!"

"You have to bend down, now c'mon."

"My tonsils are clean!"

"Put your knee in deeper... now pull out the tongue."

"Rub your tongue around the edge. Use your tongue like a trowel."
"Well, I'm not used to doing this!"
"If your tongue doesn't work, use your finger."
"My tongue's not long enough."

"She's the only one I've seen suck it out so far."

"I finally got it all out."

"You mean I shouldn't have been pushing that button when I was playing with it?"

"You just stick your finger in it and loosen it up...it'll slip right in."

"I'm going to go to the bathroom, sit there and play with my little wiggler."

"It's got powder in it, so it doesn't stick when you play with it."

"Oh, stick it in here!"

"Stay in the bathroom. I don't like what I'm wearing."

"I thought the bus driver said 'approaching POOKy'."

"I think that's the most clothes I've ever seen you wear."

"Run to the truck and grab my rigging, this lady wants to ride me!"

"I've got a seat for you."

"I said ice chest...not nice chest!"

"Hiya Lou!"
"Hiya Willie!"
"How ya doin', George?"

~ THE INFLATABLE AL DIARIES ~
by Iamagrillinfool

4/27/01: I can't believe how excited I am about this upcoming Bash weekend! OMG! Part of me is inflating all by itself! I sure hope they have a great in-flight movie for me to watch - perhaps it'll be that new movie with Johnny Depp called "Blow" or maybe it'll be "Air Bud"

4/28/01: Arrived in Vegas in one piece. Now all that's left is to get my new fig leaf pressed for the fancy cocktail party tonight! I am a little worried about the karaoke I heard they are going to have. My voice is a bit squeaky from the pressurization of the airplane. Maybe I'll just keep my mouth shut and just watch.

4/29/01: What a great party that was! People kept coming up to me all night and were giving me drinks. I got to dance in a Conga line with Toonie, Nrmie and some guy named Grillin something or other. At one point I was so drunk, I think I remember someone fixing me up with a sheep...or was it a cow? I hope they don't have any pictures of that, though. There was great music and much laughter all evening long, but boy am I tired. Today I think I might head out to the pool or maybe go downtown and try to get some action in the casinos. All these people are so nice and the food is incredible. Later on during the day I got to watch a fun and rollicking version of some of my favorite game shows put on by these wacky folks. They did Match Game, Family Feud and $25,000 Pyramid. I was hoping we'd get to play Donkey Kong or Barrel of Monkeys.

4/30/01: Got up early today to get ready for the brunch. What a great spread...eggs, bacon and sausage, potatoes, pastries and much more! But all I got were some Froot Loops and a cigarette. Another lazy day spent by the pool...until some kid decided to use me as a pool toy! Then it was out to an all you can eat prime rib dinner followed by a fantastic light show over the streets of downtown Las Vegas.

5/1/01: Back home now and back to reality. Boy, I really feel kinda deflated. Can't wait till the next Bash!!

~ HOW TO SURVIVE A ROAD TRIP ~
(or Hi Ho Hi Ho It's To The Bash I Go)
by Sorchafyre

8:00: Pick up rental car. Slide into gleaming clean, spacious interior, notice 1/2 tank of gas left. Drive 3 blocks, notice car shrink. Drive 3 more blocks, notice car is devoid of promised tape player.

8:10: Drive home to pick up Walkman and cheap mini-speakers. Promptly loose mini-speakers.

8:13: Notice gas gauge now reads 1/4 tank. Wonder how much rental car mechanics get paid. Stop to fill up tank.

8:23: Stop at Walgreen's to buy cheap speakers and batteries (yes, finally thinking ahead!) Weave down street trying tape after tape with no results except hissing noise. Swear. Realize munchies and soda are still sitting on kitchen counter.

8:50: Stop at second Walgreen's for new Walkman and munchies.

8:55: Drive 5 miles, realize broken Walkman ditched at last Walgreen's still had tape and batteries in it. Curse some more.

9:02: Finally leave Phoenix.

10:19: See signs on highway warning of blasting construction. While stopped at construction roadblock, notice port-a-potty shed labeled "Dynamite". Think seriously for a moment about getting something really exciting to put in the bash bags. Notice police cruiser and keep driving.

10:42: Notice how barren the landscape is and how few towns there are, while wishing soda consumed at the beginning of trip hadn't been super size.

11:16: Stop at small town for lunch, which proudly proclaims to be the "home of rattlesnake steaks". Consider trying to link this in some clever way to an omen of upcoming Bash. Give up. Fill gas tank again.

2:04: Wish cactus were more concealing while making an "outdoor restroom" break.

2:28: Run into sudden traffic jam. Inch along, wondering what on earth all these people are doing here in the middle of nowhere.

2:32: See sign proclaiming "Hoover Dam". Still wonder what on earth all these people are doing here.

2:56: While still waiting to get past the dam, notice skin beginning to crisp and redden. Realize too late Walgreen's probably had suntan lotion too.

3:10: Finally break free of Hoover Dam. Wonder if dam is some sort of alien plot to suck inertia out of the human race. Don't care.

3:26: Come out of road-induced hypnosis to realize car is now driving in town. Realize red light was red while driving through intersection a minute ago, too. Shake. Get a clue this must be Las Vegas. Shake more.

3:41: Feel smug for writing down hotel address. Promptly get lost on Las Vegas Boulevard.

3:47: Stop to fill gas tank after having deduced this as the only viable method of changing directions on Las Vegas Boulevard.

3:52: Notice 20 seconds too late the entrance to the IP parking garage. Run out of curses.

4:01: Finally arrive at hotel parking garage. Decide to park and walk with suitcase to avoid having to see car again for entire weekend. Wonder what rental car company would do if car vanished from the face of the earth. Cross fingers.

4:07: Enter Imperial Palace and have the best weekend of the millennium!

~ BASH BEST/WORST AWARDS ~

Here are the results of the bash survey, as voted by the attendees:

Best Hotel: New York New York

Best Casino: Imperial Palace

Best Slot Machine: Cow machines (Stampede & Mooooooolah)

Luckiest Gambler:  YellowAlso

Unluckiest Gambler: Whoever was filling out that particular survey

Best Drinks: Buttery Nipples

Worst Drinks: There is no such thing as a bad drink

Best Food: TIE: Prime Rib Buffet at Fremont Street/Stage Deli in Caesar's Palace

Worst Food: IP Buffet

Best Vegas Buffet: Harrah's

Best Bash Photo Op: Pooky falling out of her shirt and flashing Mo at the cocktail party

Best Choice For An Inflatable Bash Guest: Inflatable Al the Monkey by a single vote over Inflatable CentipedeQ the Sheep 

Best Karaoke Number: Fiireftr's Louie Armstrong imitation

Best Dueling Pianos Number: Piano Man

Best Live Entertainment: Hairy out in the hall blindfolded during Pin The Monkey On The Coconut at brunch

Best TV Game Show To Turn Into A Bash Game Show: Match Game

Match Game Panelist Who Most Resembled The Real Thing: Leag as Charles Nelson-Reilley

Best Bash Bag Item: Al's meat

Best Dressed: Linkdeb

Best Drunk: MosinAlong

Best Sense Of Humor: TIE: Iamagrillinfool/Moominator

Havenite You'd Most Like To See At The Next Bash: MeddyToo

Miss Congeniality: Mophaided

Mr. Congeniality: Quixotik1

King of the Bash: CabanaBoyNrmn

Queen of the Bash: Toonces464

Court Jester of the Bash: Wizzrobe

Court Jesteress of the Bash: Hunnychile

Best Part of the Bash: Game Show Saturday Night

Worst Part of the Bash: Leaving

~ STUDIO AUDIENCE SURVEY ~

Once again, thanks go out to all the non-attendees who helped us with our Saturday night games by filling out our studio audience survey. As a way of saying thanks, Moomie and I put together a short little post-bash questionnaire for the studio audience. Let's see what the survey said... 

Location You'd Most Like To Attend A Bash: Varied, usually based on where the person filling out the survey lived.

Vegas Hotel You'd Most Like To Visit: Many of the big hotels were mentioned, but in the end, Mirage squeaked past the rest of them.

Havenite You'd Most Like To Meet: Not a single person got more than one vote...so let's just say everyone wants to meet everyone and call it a day. <g>

Havenite You'd Be Most Scared To Meet: Zach Horan, almost unanimously...though there was one notable vote each for Toonces464 and Rjaydee.

Havenite Who Should Have Their Own Slot Machine Theme (include person and theme): Good Lord, y'all are creative! We had everything from Wolley and "Three Coins In The Urinal" to MadMom and the matching beer bottles. However, my favorite suggestion came from Roxie1971: "Oh undoubtedly this should be the 'Toonces Turnstiles' machine. Each hit on the machine brings up 3 Billy Joel songs. When you get all three to come up with 'Only the Good Die Young,' you've hit the jackpot!! (with, of course, other winnings for any matches with her extensive list of BJ favorites). An alternate machine could be the 'Toonces Mystery Date Machine'....featuring Billy Joel, Derek Jeter, and a few others to be decided by Ms Toonce. I'm thinking Derek Jeter may be the jackpot match on this one. <g>"

Thing You'd Hate To Find In Your Bash Bag: Naked pix of various Havenites was mentioned fairly often. 

Thing You'd Love To Find In Your Bash Bag: Interestingly enough, naked pix of various Havenites was also mentioned here fairly often.

TV Game Show You'd Most Like To Participate In: Survivor

~ DIARY OF A MAD COW ~
By Moominator

You might be a Bash Goin' Goober if......
You eat M&M's out of a chicken's mouth,
Ever had your palm tree fondled,
Were caught headed down the hallway, blindfolded, holding onto your monkey,
Have ever plugged your ears using Kleenex or sheep, or
Handed out your meat in a bag.

If you......
Thought Jell-O shots prevented gelatinous social diseases,
Slept on the balcony and showered from a cup,
Cleaned somebody's tonsils with your tongue,
Feared Norm would snatch your jewels,
Describe a yo-yo as something you hold between your fingers, that goes up and down, while making pumping motions,
You might be a Bash Goin' Goober!

Have you been known to.......
Think Fig Newton is a popular Las Vegas singer,
Wear a napkin on your head and eat Fruit Loops,
Underestimate your shirt's ability to keep your chest in place,
Have gotten noogies from a member of the psycho ward,
Morph from Gene Rayburn into Richard Dawson,
Then, you might be a Bash Goin' Goober.

If you......
Can sing like Louie Armstrong,
Played with the ranch hands on Freemont Street,
Got caught mooning in the hallway,
Collect air sickness bags from all major airlines,
Are a member of the Fartzel family,
You must be a Bash Goin' Goober!

Do you.....
Have the world's largest collection of empty soda cans in your suite,
Think passing gas is a form of self expression,
Cause stampedes in the casinos,
Get busted by hotel security for not making enough noise, or
Are a cheesy member of Harriet's Whorehouse?
If yes, you are certainly a Bash Goin' Goober!

If you can honestly admit to.....
Having ever done Elvis,
Have eaten Chinese food served by Squiggy,
Paper clipping any part of your anatomy,
Have purchased your cocktail party dress and hat at Salvation Army,
Ever blowing an animal,
Roaming the hallways claiming to be moist,
You are true Bash Goin' Goober material!

You may also be a Bash Goin' Goober if......
The thought of attending another bash turned your hair blonde,
A rubber frog flew past your head,
You think flat walking should be an Olympic event,
Holding a procession while wrapped in paper towels from the bathroom means formal attire to you,
Someone tried to play connect the dots on your blouse, or
The game category "Things You Say No To" causes your brain to short circuit.

If.......
Your arrow always points up,
You cheer by way of armpit farts,
You had your deep pockets thoroughly searched,
You lapse into dream sequences at any given moment,
Your coins were admired on the city bus, 
Then, I saw you in Vegas, and you are definitely a Bash Goin' Goober!

And, the final test. If you......
Have ever gone for a "submarine" ride,
Are known to play with bartenders' swords,
Ever wrapped a napkin around your head for a Willy Nelson tribute,
Consider yourself a cross between Martha Stewart and Brett Sommers,
Made long distance calls on another's cell phone,
Can graphically describe all the motions involved in drinking Jell-O shots, or
Ever tried to smoke a plastic cigar,
Then you had as great a time as I had, being a Bash Goin' Goober!

~ GAME SHOW SATURDAY NIGHT ~
by Quixotik1

Somehow it shouldn't come as a complete surprise that in a gathering of game players, an evening devoted to re-creations of favorite game shows should be well received. As your host, wielding the whip mike, I was astonished at just *how* well they were received! Obviously I'm not the only Havenite who whiled away a few hundred afternoon hours watching classic game shows on TV in my youth. 

Through good fortune we were able to employ the banquet room reserved for our Sunday brunch, and in such humble circumstances, once our studio audience was fortified with necessary libations, we were able to proceed with the festivities. First up was our version of the perennial innuendo bonanza, "Match Game." Our panel was inspired, with Al, our GrillinFool, playing Nipsey Russell; MadMomJI representing Brett Somers dryly; EdWeissmanEsq as Charles Nelson Reilly; POOKy as MaryAnn Mobley; CabanaBoyNrmn as Richard Dawson; and Toonces portraying Fannie Flagg. The mind reels at such an assemblage, still! I was your host, and had the pleasure of moderating the attempts of the players to match these clowns. Hunny, Sorchafyre, Wolley, MrsJoFlyn, Moppy and Hairy all had their shots, through three rounds of matches (though, for some strange reason, not many matches were made!) Sorcha, MrsJo and Hairy advanced to the Super Match, and earned fabulous (I'm sure) prizes for their victories. (Was it coincidence that MrsJo answered "Arrow" to "Straight .... Blank"? I think not!) 

Next up was "Family Feud"! We assembled two properly dysfunctional families, the Fartzels (Far: Fiireftr; Jack Sheroff: SubHuman; Gasina: Bratt; Moon Unit: Linkdeb; Farkel: Moomie) and the Clampetts (Ellie Mae: CabanaBoyNrmn; Mr. Drysdale: Wizzrobe; Jethro: Mosin; Jed: Ybbh; Granny: ThujaBri), and the hilarity ensued. The fastest flick of a Bic enabled the family members to score on the opening round, and the most popular answers from the surveys we had compiled proved properly entertaining and, at times, elusive. There were steals, laughs and groans, though your host failed to smooch any of the contestants (an omission I do not regret, as Ellie Mae Clampett was played by CabanaBoyNrmn). We even managed to have the Fast Money bonus, and I believe a fictional $465 or so was garnered by the winning family. And of course more wonderful prizes.

Lastly we essayed a couple rounds of " $25,000 Pyramid". These games had been expertly prepared by Moomie, for which the host was extremely grateful; all we needed was monitors so the audience could see what the answers were! No one seemed to mind, as all eyes were on the contestants trying to get each other to describe things in the eerily realistic categories prepared. Toonces even got to "coo-coo" a couple errant descriptions, to the delight (or dismay) of all. Once again, we had the preliminary rounds, battled closely, then the final "pyramid", which alas, no one completed, but was very well played, considering this is a completely different kind of game than what we do all the time in the Havens. The final pair of contestants, Hunnychile and POOKy, brought down the house as Hunny announced boisterously that she couldn't clue the last category...it was "Things You Say No To"...as we all know POOKy doesn't have that word in her vocabulary!

All in all, it was a very enjoyable evening, and prospects are good for a repeat event at a future bash. (Your host has visions of an all-Haven star "Hollywood Squares"...LOL) Thanks are due to all our players and those who prepared games, prizes, and even the theme music to the games! It will be hard to top this game show night, but we just may try!

~ URBAN BASH LEGENDS ~
by MadMomJI

Now that I am home from the bash, and the slot machine ringing in my ears is almost gone. I have had time to look back on this experience and think about it in a different perspective. During the bash itself, there is no time for deep contemplation, because there are just too many things going on around you, from the noise and bustle on the casino floor, to trying to get your group together for breakfast or dinner. Then there is the whole Vegas thing itself, that unless you continually look at a clock, you have no idea what time it is, because everything looks the same at any given time of day or night. But, now that I am home and back to normal, I can think of many stories that I heard from past bashes, that having now attended a bash myself, I can honestly say are just urban bash legends.

Urban bash legend #1:
Wizzrobe sleeps in room 1818 with Toonces.
Truth:
Wizz has his own room (with a nice view and great ventilation) that is attached to room 1818. 

Urban bash legend #2:
You could wake up in a water-filled bathtub to find a message, written in lipstick on the mirror, about your kidneys being removed by a underground kidney stealing ring and sold for big bucks to people needing transplants.
Truth:
No one would want a kidney form someone attending a bash, most bashers are in need of kidney transplants themselves.

Urban bash legend #3:
Moominator is a black and white spotted bovine.
Truth:
Moomie is human and is actually almost normal.

Urban bash legend #4:
Al frm Cal needs to stand on someone's shoulders to play the slot machines.
Truth:
The casinos place handy chairs at each slot machine for Al to stand on.

Urban bash legend #5:
You could "lose an eye" by standing next to Pooky when she turns around too fast.
Truth:
Physics proves that the wind velocity caused by this action will force you far enough away to eliminate any bodily damage by swinging objects.

Urban bash legend #6:
Wheatboy attends the bashes.
Truth:
Wheaty just says he is coming because he likes to fill out the questionnaire for the bash books.

Urban bash legend #7:
When Toonces karaokes, she sings bad enough to melt your brain cells.
Truth:
Oh noooooo, Toonces sings much worse than that. 

Urban bash legend #8:
Moppy's hair is always a mess.
Truth:
Moppy's hair looks really good, unless you see her very early in the morning, when she is wandering around the Imperial Palace hallways asking other bashers if they know in which room she is registered.

Urban bash legend #9:
Linkie can reduce you to a quivering ball of nerves just with "that look".
Truth:
She doesn't even have to look at you!! ::shiver::

Urban bash legend #10:
CabanaBoyNrmn is a "ladies man."
Truth:
Fact is, Nrmn is an equal opportunity groper. (Right Al?)

Urban bash legend #11:
Wolley is in need of a 12-Step program for a slot machine gambling addiction.
Truth:
Actually, Wolley has been banned from getting "within 12 steps" of a slot machine by the Las Vegas Gambling Commission. 

Urban bash legend #12:
At the bashes; Mosin drinks heavily, uses obscene language, exhibits violent behavior, performs risqué acts in public, and solicits handsome young bullriders.
Truth:
At the bashes; Mosin drinks heavily, uses obscene language, exhibits violent behavior, performs risqué acts in public, and solicits handsome young bullriders.

So, to all you Havenites who have never been to a bash, there is no need to stay away in fear of these urban bash legends you may have heard. Next time we expect to see y'all there creating some urban bash legends of your own! 

~ THE MISADVENTURES OF THREE NJ MUSKETEERS IN VEGAS ~
by HelenaTR, KenRbnsn and EdWeissmanEsq

This is the saga of three of us from New Jersey:
Two Bash Virgins and one Bash Veteran (from long ago) 
Two Vegas Virgins and one Vegas Veteran (from even longer ago)
Only one of us was "completely" virginal - in just those two respects, LOL! The exact identities will be left as an exercise to the reader. :-)

We came to town - and eventually left - via varied "boids" and routes to/from Newark. 
We had a great time finally linking faces and voices to the screen names we've seen or heard about for so many years.

Our activities were at times similar, and other times varied:

* One of us demonstrated singing talents.
* Another of us demonstrated photographic skills, the results of which will be coming to a web site near you real soon. :-)
* The remaining member of our intrepid trio merely collected interesting observations and tidbits about as many other Bash participants as possible - to eventually demonstrate in some future Game Haven event. :-) (Be very afraid... <g>)

After two of us managed to convince a cabbie that we really wanted to have dinner at a restaurant further off the Strip than we imagined, and we all somehow survived the initial Meeting of the Bashees (aka Cocktail Party), we spent the next morning/afternoon exploring at least part of town:

* At The Mirage, we discovered the truth in the old adage that a big cat like a white tiger can "go anywhere it wants." (Yes, it "did some business" in front of the large crowd gathered behind the glass to ostensibly watch it frolic in its pool.) We were also most impressed by the dolphins under research, as well as the jungle animals living in Sigfried & Roy's Magic Garden.
* We marveled at the re-creation of quaint French villages at Paris - not to mention the 80-feet high replica of the Eiffel Tower. We were also a tad dismayed that one of the cafes insisted on a dress code of sorts for lunch.
* The Truly Intrepid Photographer of the bunch forged on to review the sights of New York, New York - and we all vicariously enjoyed the trip via the resulting pictures. The other two were challenged enough by the heat and explored the twists and turns of the various walkways leading to and from the various casinos around the IP.
* And two of us ventured to Mandalay Bay - and failed to recognize any celebrities (assuming there were any at the time) amongst those arriving for the "TigerJam" Saturday evening.

As for the rest of the weekend, we enjoyed the company of others - whether participating in the "game shows," trying to find a place for dinner on a Saturday nite without a reservation, seeing a show... Or just exploring the various casino floors, whether or not any cash was being dropped on tables or into slots.

All in all, the weekend was too short - but just long enough to convince us that we needed to return to Vegas "someday." There's so much to see - even without gambling - that we need at least another weekend to do so!

Oh yes, there was one more adventure - the trip home. After waiting - and waiting - in yet another taxi line, it appeared that one airport shuttle wasn't arriving as scheduled. After climbing into a cab, we finally found it about a mile from the airport - tangled up in an accident in the median. And luck ran out for the other two when the plane scheduled to leave at 1 didn't show up until 1:30 - more time to lose the remaining winnings (such as they were <g>) in the slots by the gate. <chuckle> In spite of all those, however, we did manage to return safely to our respective nests; with memories of a great weekend to savor.

Can't wait for the next opportunity - wherever that may be!

~ BASH ROUNDTABLE ~ 
by Mophaided

Roundtable Panel: ED: EdWeissmanEsq; FI: Fiireftr; IA: Iamagrillinfool; SO: Sorchafyre

What was your favorite part of the bash? 

SO: Has to be the karaoke, everyone was relaxed and it was a good socializing event.

ED: The Game Show...without a doubt :)

FI: The cocktail party, meeting old friends and new ones

IA: finally being able to put faces to the screen names I had never met before

What was your least favorite part of the bash?

SO: Not being able to hook up with everyone. It would have been nice to have some sort of pad on the door of 1818 or something to write wipe-off messages on. Guess the Hotel didn't agree : )

ED: I can't use "least favorite"... but I wish the room we had the cocktail party in on Friday had better ventilation. As an asthmatic, I found the smoke..a little thick

FI: I'd like to see an east coast bash...the distance was the worst part

IA: not being able to spend another week with all my friends

What would you do different next time?

SO: Come earlier and stay later!

ED: Stay longer?:)

FI: Gamble better :)

IA: wear less clothing <g>

What would you do the same?

SO: Relax and enjoy everything, completely free of stress.

ED: The game show and Sunday brunch

FI: Everything

IA: everything else I did

What memory will you recall as the funniest memory of the bash?

SO: Hunny throwing down the category on $10,000 pyramid because she couldn't think of anything Pooky could put in the category of "things you say No to"

ED: Hunnychile jumping up and yelling "I can't do this category!"

FI: Linkie arriving as PinkDeb

IA: Nrmie attempting to "pin the monkey on Al"

What person who was missing, would you most like to see at the next bash?

SO: Someone I only know by host name, DeLune. For all I know Lunie could have been there hiding out all the time! 

ED: FoghrnLegh

FI: Gemshine & Psspencer & Centi

IA: Qtpitootyfl!

What person was the biggest surprise and why?

SO: Not a person, the biggest surprise was finding out some of my Havenite friends were leading a double life as Hosties!

ED: Quix...he's so quiet!:)

FI: Moppy...as a blonde :)

IA: Sorchafyre because she was practically unknown to me before the bash and she turned out to be such a sweetheart

What person was the least surprising and why?

SO: Toonces, her personality comes across clear and strong.

ED: Toonie... just as I pictured :)

FI: MadMom, she was just like I pictured her!

IA: Toonie because she has been at all the bashes I've been to in the past and she is always the most lovable person there

Is there an event you can think of that you would like to see added to the schedule next year?

SO: Synchronized swimming? (Lol)

ED: Naked Twister?:) [evil grin]

FI: I think everything was great as it was, wouldn't change anything.

IA: definitely some kind of drinking game where you down shots at certain occurrences

~ TOP TEN THINGS I LEARNED WHILE IN VEGAS, 2001 ~
by Linkdeb

From the home office in Suite 1818B of the Imperial Palace Hotel & Casino...

10. In a past life, Quix was a game show host.

 9. The mother of baseball babies does NOT have to be present for baseball babies to be born. Becky, congratulations! The triplets are doing great!

 8. Hunny and Pooky really, really, really can't say NO. Heck, they don't even have a "clue."

 7. Don't believe Far (Fiire) when she tells you to go buy a 14.5 ounce bottle of water for $1.19 cuz it's cheap and then 20 minutes later you discover that you could have purchased a 20 ounce bottle of water at the bus stop for $1.00. You would think that Far would know about water, right?

 6. The Fartzel family is alive and well and living on the 4th floor at IP.

 5. Eek7000 and MeddyToo are full of hot air and PoohHaid really does eat crayons.

 4. If you attend a champagne brunch, leave your monkeys at home. 
Right Al and Norm?

 3. MadMom "does" know how to wiggle her eyebrows and she does NOT smell like beer.

 2. If Mosin attempts to help Pooky with the duct taping of her norks, RUN! (5.3 on the Richter scale)

And the Number 1 thing I learned while in Vegas, 2001:

 1. Don't EVER go to the ladies room with Moomie and Wolley after THEY have had several drinks. If you do, you will find yourself walking down a hallway with at least 50 feet of paper towels around your neck and you will hearing Wolley saying, "don't worry Linkie, I won't let your train touch the floor."