Special Supplement Edition of The 'Gram
August 29, 1997

First off, I have to say thanks to my assistant editor on this Vegas BashGram, ShadowyOne. He marries me, he works with me...next thing you know, he'll be sharing his winnings from the craps table with me ;D

Though the bash didn't "officially" start till Friday, many of the Parlorites flew in Thursday to get a head start on the festivities. Special thanks go out to Wizzrobe and Snazzey...the official Vegas bash airport shuttle service ;D. The fun kicked off in the Palace Saloon amid broken glass and ringing slot machines and later moved to the "petite suite" owned for the weekend by myself and SummerLove. 

After the Friday night cocktail party, which you can read about later in this issue, the festivities once again moved to the Palace Saloon and back to Chez SummieToon. Only this time, we were joined by an unexpected guest -- hotel security. However, Host Wheat handled them with his usual tact and gracefulness (while ShadowyOne hid in the closet) and the entire group trooped back downstairs to cause some more mayhem. 

After an 8:30 AM breakfast with the early-departing Lattigo, Saturday was a "do what you want" kinda day, and many of the Parlorites ended up at the famous rollercoaster at the New York New York Hotel (now if only we could've managed to be at the same entrance at 2 PM). However, after walking through the lobby from hell at the MGM Grand, Maegen, Paige, Viallynor, Wizzrobe and myself were lucky enough to witness Elvis running after the Hard Rock shuttle bus. Yes, that's right folks...the Hard Rock Hotel actually makes their shuttle driver dress up like Elvis. And, if you ask real nicely, he'll even pose for pictures and do the famous "Elvis point" for ya!

Saturday night was capped off by a scavenger hunt, prepared especially for the Parlorites by SMC1211, which had them searching for tassels, purple shoes and hookers. Strange thing is, hookers weren't even on any of the lists...hmmm ;D The hunt was a smashing success, sending Parlorites dashing about the strip armed for random acts of photography. Both Al frm Cal and Warlockey added new aspects to their wardrobes, while others found marriage, religious inspiration and piercings...hopefully not at the same place. Later on, you'll find a sneak preview of items for the next scavenger hunt, as well as a first-hand account from one of the participants.

Sunday morning found many of the Parlorites stumbling out of bed and over to the Treasure Island Hotel for brunch, while one showered in Chez SummieToon while waiting to chauffeur the stragglers who missed the shuttle. Upon arrival, it was discovered the brunch was located right down the hall from the wedding chapel...the perfect setting for the Toonces-Shadowy bash wedding ritual. With EweBet serving as maid of honor, Summie serving as best man, Pud E Tat as flower girl and Darqfuture as officiator, the "nuptials" went off without a hitch, and were captured to perfection by wedding photographer in training, Courtzie. And who could forget Paige, as the weeping Italian
relative? Kleenex stock rose 64% that day!

If you haven't yet attended a Parlor bash, you don't know what you're missing (or maybe you do ;D). If you'd like to get on the list for the proposed New Orleans bash this spring, please drop me mail! And for more highlights from Vegas, read on! :D

~ A NOTE FROM PAIGE M673 ~

I just wanted to send a big {{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}} and thankeeeee to all of you wonderful folks who helped celebrate my birthday in Las Vegas! :) It was truly special ... the cake, the rose, the singing, the Barbies, the tiara, the gifts (::: ahem ::: where DO you all shop?! :), and most of all the company of a really phenomenal group of people! Thanks again!!!!!!

~ TOP 20 ITEMS FOR THE NEXT AOL BASH SCAVENGER HUNT ~
by Toonces464 and ShadowyOne

From the home office in the Florida panhandle (somewhere roughly between Birmingham and Miami)...

20. VSCLEM's milkshake

19. A strawberry for Silktap's Grande Marnier

18. Celery stalks for Bunnyfoo

17. A bikini wax for Warlockey

16. A city map and computerized car for SAPPHIRBLU and Ms Jeanne

15. Warmer gloves for Tiggerbon

14. A Wendy's within walking distance for Mr Jaded

13. A trenchcoat for Al frm Cal

12. For Nawlins?? Beads!!! They buy some wonderful things!

11. Stateside AOL access for Scarlet

10. An extra room for Les' keychain

 9. A bigger margarita for Courtzie

 8. A "proper" shot glass for EweBet and Toonces

 7. A nice girl for Mr Jaded and Toxwaste 

 6. An Alaskan bash for ItsMyIlusn

 5. A peasant skirt for Squiddie

 4. A NOW membership for Lattigo

 3. A Brink's guard for Summie

 2. A girlfriend for Wizzy's buddha

 1. Pictures of Toonces and Shadowy getting a divorce

~ REVIEW: FRIDAY NIGHT COCKTAIL PARTY ~
by HrtsDlite

When we stepped through the door of the special conference room at the Palace Station the private room was aglow with candles, balloons and other festive decorations. There were souvenir packages of goodies laid out for each and every one of us, a fully stocked bar and a groaning table of delectable hors 'oeuvres. There were tinkling glasses, shouts of recognition, peals of laughter and countless warm hugs. 

This was my first Bash, and though Id met a few people before (MoonMagic1,Gnu Rotic, Al frm Cal, MsJeanne, Maegen, ONette, Viallynor) , everyone else was a new face a new friend to be made. And, somewhat surprisingly to me, the vast majority were exactly as their screen personalities had come across witty, funny, fun-to-be-with, bright, self-effacing, spontaneous, mad cap, shy, introspective, thoughtful.

And what wonderful fun we had!! An impromptu conga line formed and snaked its sinuous way around the tables, along the buffet line and in front of the bar. Hula skirts were donned and leis were slipped around necks. Shoes were kicked off and people shuffled to the dance floor and fond reminisces of Bashes past and even what it was like pre-AOL (!!!) were exchanged. Peakbagger wore a PCLink t-shirt (an heirloom for sure) and he and ItsMyIlusn, Fun2B43 and SusanB26a all huddled and spoke in hushed tones about the "good ol days". For those who didn't know (and I count myself among 'em) PCLink was a forerunner of AOL and though I cant swear to it, its rumored that some sort of hamster-or gerbil-driven modems were used to power the aforementioned "link". 

A highlight of the evening was the bestowal of honorary S.P.I.R.M. membership on EweBet and Toon. In addition to a heart-rending (yet somehow oddly stirring) tribute by none other than the S.P.I.R.M. mesiter himself (Lattigo), each lucky lady also received a splendid, strictly limited edition, Italian-designed tee-shirt of the finest Egyptian combed cotton. The ever-so-tasteful S.P.I.R.M. logo was hand-silk screened with non-polluting dyes extracted from heirloom Aztec vegetables onto a pure-as-the-driven-snow dazzling white background. EweBet and Toon, although briefly stunned by the touching display of camaraderie inclusion in this exclusive group denotes, were nonetheless able to recover sufficiently to be able to execute the tricky and definitely TOS-able S.P.I.R.M. secret handshake. 

After the ceremony, I met LesMisrabl and his magnificently arrayed collection of key-chains. (Expect to find LesMis name prominently featured in a future edition of the Guinness Book of World Records). I also met and chatted with a wonderful lady with whom I've traded many an awful pun Ldylvsgms. Ldy put together a collection of jokes in booklet form and tucked one into each and every souvenir bag for all of us to enjoy in our rooms (or wherever!) later. I got to meet Wheatboy, one of the first parlor regulars to befriend me almost 3 years ago. We didn't get to tango, nor was the Victoria's Secret-clad cat anywhere to be found, but it was super to finally get to meet Wheat. A special treat was meeting Fun2B43, with whom I've been working in the Parlor twice a week for almost a year. I also met (and spent far too little time with) KnoxMeOut, Paige M673, SAPPHIRBLU, ItsMyIlusn, MegaSnert,
SummerLove, Toonces, Wizzrobe, Tiggerbon, ShadowyOne, Scarlet864, Peakbagger, DarqFuture, MrJaded, and SharPei40. Sadly, because I didn't budget my time very well, I did NOT get to meet Bunnyfoo, ITA RX7, PudETat, Snazzey, VSCLEM, or Squid n2. Hopefully at the next Bash I'll have that chance! 

Toon and O Nette put together a fabulous weekend for all of us. Thanks
ladies, you're terrific!!

~ TIPS FOR WINNING AT BLACKJACK ~
by: ShadowyOne

~ BASH BEST/WORST AWARDS ~

Here are the results of the bash survey, as voted by the attendees. I do need to preface this by saying that with all the previous bash surveys I've conducted since the BashGram began publication, we've *never* had so many ties :)

Best Hotel: Luxor

Best Casino: Palace Station

Best Gambler: ShadowyOne/SummerLove

Best Good Luck Charm: Wizzy's Buddha

Luckiest Parlorite: SummerLove

Best Elvis Sighting: Driving the Hard Rock shuttle van at Fashion Mall

Best Non-Gambling Attraction: Rollercoaster at NY NY

Best Vegas Waitress Costume: Al frm Cal in the tube top

Most Memorable Scavenger Hunt Moment (or Item): Al frm Cal in the tube top

Best Drinks: $.99 Margaritas

Worst Drinks: Blow jobs in a mess of broken glass

Best Food: Friday night cocktail party

Worst Food: There is no such thing

Parlorite Who Looked Most Like You Expected: Scarlet

Parlorite Who Looked Least Like You Expected: Squiddie (not enough arms)

Parlorite Who Looked Like They Most Belonged In Vegas: Silktap/SummerLove

Parlorite Most Likely To Become A Dealer In Vegas: ShadowyOne

Parlorite Most Missed Not Being In Vegas: AJBG/Baron Wo/ForTsumpn

Parlorite Most Likely To Get Married In Vegas: ShadowyOne/Toonces

Parlorite Most Likely To Pick Up A Hooker In Vegas: Mr Jaded/Toxwaste

Parlorite Most Likely To Be Seen in the Company of Showgirls: VSCLEM

Parlorite That Kept You ROFLYAO: Ms Jeanne

Parlorite Most Likely To Stay Up for 24 Hours With No Sleep and Still Make The Breakfast Buffet: O Nette

Most Memorable Bash Moment: Toonces & EweBet being named SPIRMettes

Bash Theme Song: The sound of the slot machines

Best Place To Have The Next Bash: Alternating coasts

King Of The Bash: ShadowyOne/Wizzrobe

Queen Of The Bash: Paige/Toonces

~ VEGAS JOKES THAT KEPT GOING AND GOING ~
By Snazzey

12) Have you seen (insert screen or regular name here) ?? 
With everything to see... and many parlorites to track, this felt like THE
single most asked question. And we even asked if peopled seen US, since we were sooo busy! 

11) "Mary from Ontario!!!"
Its impossible to explain the reception Scarlet got at the craps table in
our hotel casino. Those men treated her like a long lost, errr.. friend...
and anyone who was with her, too! Talk about a welcome!

10) I Have A System (I just haven't perfected it yet)
Almost everyone said this... but it was ShadowyOne who really made it his own. Kinda self-explanatory, don't you think??

9) Ccccool Ccccrisp Lettuce
Late, late one night... (kinda not-so-early one morning?)... some parlorites were watching movies and got hungry. Silktaps specific request for a part of her club sandwich sure made that room service waiter get there in a hurry!! 

8) I'm Laughing Too Hard To Drive!
SAPPHIRBLU and a few other parlorites went to Hoover Dam one afternoon...they were enjoying themselves so much that Sapphie, the driver, laughed herself to tears. (Hairpin turn? What hairpin turn? I don't see anything!)

7) Scroll Back!
Scarlet said she loved being with us... but hated that in real life she
sometimes missed parts of conversations. (unlike being online when she could go back and look) So...starting with her, anytime anyone said "What?", we said....... 

6) No Comment, Dammit!
There were many things that no one wanted to comment on that weekend. <g> But Warlockeys contribution was the "Dammit" (probably because wed just been told to scroll back for the 4th time!)

5) Sunday is Craps Day
Another Shadowy comment (we usually knew where he was!) After exhausting all other games in the casino by late Saturday night, he announced... (BTW...did he ever get to the craps table??)

4) God It's Hot.. Have I Said That Already??
Snazzey was suffering in the heat, and complained every time she left air conditioning...and complained... and complained...

3) Wizzy is Here, But He's Sleeping
Poor Wizzrobe went days without sleep. So if there was something he didn't want to get involved in, he had a convenient excuse (of course, HE usually said it.. which sorta defeated the purpose.) After a while... we started making excuses for him. 

2) Isn't That Nice?!
A sweet little joke about two Southern ladies that Lawlss told, which
resulted in several ROFLMAOs and a perfect euphemism for "I could give a &#%$!"

1) Stroke My Buddha
Wizzrobe brought his jade buddha for luck. But instead of working for him, it worked for almost everyone else who touched it! Pretty soon Wizzy realized he could get lucky another way!

~ REVIEW: SCAVENGER HUNT ~
by: VSCLEM

One of the many activities set up for those of us lucky enough to have moved our keyboards to that realm of reality called Las Vegas, was a scavenger hunt. I could make a long story short and say our group didn't do very well, but then it's always better to reflect and look for a moral to a story...right? <g>. 

Our unabridged AOL dictionary defines scavenger hunt as follows: "scavenger hunt (noun); First appeared 1936: A game in which players try to acquire without buying specified items within a time limit.". Sounds innocuous enough, but those words "time limit"...ugh...a thousand floggings to the person that invented the concept. 

The "players" in our group, Scarlet864, Silktap, Al frm Cal, Squid n2 (and
his Polaroid camera) and me were to compete for a list of items maniacally penned by someone with a little too much time on their hands. Each group had their own list, and was to present these items to the the overseer three hours after the start. Our list was as follows: (1) get a picture of a showgirl..(2) a picture of someone in a halter top, that shouldn't be wearing a halter top..(3) a picture of someone rummaging through the garbage..(4) get a picture of one of us in another hotel's swimming pool..(5) get a picture of a slot jackpot winner..(6) get a spork..(7) get a tassle..(8) get a used bingo sheet. We set off on our quest with every intention of winning this
competition hands down.

Within minutes we had a pictures of a slot winner and someone going through the trash (we had the janitor go through the trash looking for a used bingo sheet <g>). While wending our way through the maze of Palace Station corridors, all the while Al relentlessly pummeling us with good, bad, and ugly jokes, Silktap grabbed a tassle from one of the hotel lobby curtains. Next we arrived at Scarlet's room where we planned our next move. It was here that we decided Al would look really bad in a halter top, the more hair showing the better (worse?). No sooner than Squid had the offending Polaroid, than did Warlockey's group walk in looking for a picture of someone in a thong. They got the picture...moving right along <g>.

With nary a spork to be found at the hotel, we decided to step out on the town in search of the remaining items. The shuttle took us to the MGM Grand hotel; this was the beginning of the end. Was it the lights? The glitz? The sheer excitment of seeing The Wizard of Oz plastered all over the hotel walls? Nope....it was our tummies that did us in. Food was plentiful, but often took a backseat to revelry over the three days we were in Las Vegas, it had apparently caught up to an unlucky few. So we decided to split up at this point, the two of us not affected by hunger would get the remaining pictures at Caesar's Palace, the other three would eat, and then we would rendezvous at the local 7-Eleven for the surprisingly elusive spork. Unfortunately, we hadn't budgeted for traffic on the Strip, and thus, the three with now contented tummies never made the rendezvous time .

Thus abruptly ends the story on how not to win a scavenger hunt.....oh yeah, the moral being always appreciate a spork when you find one.

P.S. As for the showgirl, well, Al wouldn't fit into one of those
suits...however, we all concurred that the feathers would've looked great on him tho! ;)

~ BASH ROUNDTABLE ~
by: Squid n2

Roundtable Panel: EweBet (EB), Scarlet864 (SC), ShadowyOne (SO), Toxwaste (TX)

Have you ever been to a parlor bash before? 
EB: Yes :)

SC: Nope... Vegas was a first for me... I feel so... hmm... so..... grown
up... <g>

SO: Most definately! I'm hooked!

TX: Vegas is the first bash i attended- and likely not the last

If yes, which one?
EB: Nashville, New Orleans, Orlando '96, (Newark), Boston '97,
Orlando...eeep! Has it really been that many?!

SO: Three in Nawlins (Feb 95, Oct 95, Oct 96) and one in Orlando (Spring 96)

Did anyone you hadn't met before surprise you? (Why?)
EB: Yes... lots did :D among others, Squiddie (ya nut) was a pleasant
surprise, tho I didn't have time there to do more than admire from a
distance. I was really pleased to meet a lot of west coast people I've
admired for a very long time, people who've made the Parlor a place I love to be in for more years than I know, along with a bunch of new, dear friends. Those include Bruce (Peakbagger), Shannon (ItsMyIlusn), Nancy (HrtsDlite), Kim (Fun 2 B 43), Courtney (Courtzie, duh), Al (frm Cal), Janet (SharPei), Judy (Bunnyfoo), Lou (LesMisrabl), and Dennis (Wizzrobe).

SC: Nobody really surprised me... well, except for War and Wizzy.... Snazz was supposed to pick me up at the airport and I didn't know she was bringing these two trouble makers with her ;) But it was a GREAT surprise!! ;) (and it was nice not having to carry my suitcase all the way to the car dammit). Also, I didn't know War had long hair, I didn't know Squiddy had short hair (he had just gotten a haircut), I didn't think Vern would be as tall as he was, I never thought I'd see Al in a tube top, I had no idea Silktap was so outgoing and energetic, and I was expecting Snzz to snore really loud but it just didn't happen... Ok, so maybe some people did surprise me :)

SO: For some reason, everyone surprises me at these Bashes, always
pleasantly. No matter how much fun I expect everyone to be, those
expectations inevitably fall short. This year, however, the biggest surprises were Tigger and her latex glove (I'm not even asking), Ladylvsgms, who was absolutely hysterical, Wizz's dancing skills, Les' keychain, which I swear I saw move of its own volition, and Scarlet, with her growl. Besides, anytime a woman ends up in my lap, I'm surprised };D

TX: The biggest and best surprise was that at least in general, everybody seemed as terrific as in the games:)

Did anyone you had met before surpise you? (Why?)
EB: Well, Ira sure surprised me with the S.P.I.R.M. presentation :D I
treasure the shirt as well as the sentiment. <g>

SC: As a matter of fact... The only person I had met before was Boy (aka Wheatboy) and he DID surprise me! A bunch of us were sitting in the Palace Saloon on the first night and we all knew boy was arriving that night but it was getting late. I decided to go see if he had checked in yet. As I was walking away from the Saloon everyone started calling me, so I turned around to see what they were all yelling about. Apparently boy was right in front of me and I almost walked right past him on my way to look for him. 

SO: Just when you think you have these people pegged, they go and prove you wrong. Several of this group I have Bashed with on more than one occassion in the past, yet surprises still surfaced. Some of the ones I actually managed to remember are: Summie, who is always the most pleasant, positive, fun person to be around, and her incredible luck (will Ya rub my chips next time??); David, who flat out scared me by wearing white; Paige's managing to escape before I massaged that other foot; Toonces agreeing to a second ceremony; MegaSnert's ability to take 2,000 volts; and, of course, the moment when Wheat strapped on the tassels and grass skirt to sing the Chiquita banana song.

What did you like most about where the bash was held?
EB: It was great! I'm just sorry it took so long to decide to go swimming and hottubbing first thing in the morning. I also liked the nickel slots, the strange comp cards and coupon books (what a laff!), and the Bingo thing. 

SC: I loved the heat! It was freezing cold in Toronto when I left and the
Vegas weather was just great. I also liked that Vegas attracted such an
incredible turnout of parlor people! The more the merrier!! :) 

SO: Free drinks, gambling, showgirls, and it was somewhere I haven't been in about 6 years. It was nice having everything so close together and so much to do. Plus it was the first Bash I've been to where hotel security wasn't a major factor ;D

TX: Location was convenient to get to.

Was there anything you disliked about where it was held?
EB: There was this Blackjack dealer, Jamie. What a yutz! Otherwise, it
was jim-dandy.

SC: The only thing I didn't like was that the gambling took everyone's
attention and I didn't get to hang out with as many people as I would have liked to. But what can I say? I was making friends with the Craps and Roullette dealers... :)

SO: They insisted on keeping my money. Oh, and it was somewhere between the temperature of McDonald's coffee in a lawsuit and the point where even Satan asks for a glass of ice water. 

TX: Would rather have had it in a hotel on or nearer the strip.

What was your favorite planned event? (Explain)
EB: The planned event that I liked best hasta be the Friday night banquet. Meeting *all* those new people as they arrived, and speculating in advance of having a name for a new arrival was a trip. It was great, too, to renew acquaintances with old friends like Ira and Clair and Joanie and on and on..... Then too, that night it was just beginning, and it seemed as tho the weekend would stretch on forever. I wish it could have.

SC: I really enjoyed the scavenger hunt and I think SMC did a terrificjob with it!! I think if we had eaten dinner first it would have been easier
but I had a ton of fun with my group, and I really really hope that Silktap returned the tassle to the curtain in the hotel lobby <G>

SO: The Sunday Brunch was wonderful, but the Scavenger Hunt absolutely ruled. It was much more fun than I expected, and had we NOT gone on it, I wouldn't have met the friendly guy handing out religious literature on the street, the man with more piercings and tattoos than Las Vegas has bars, and the Pit Boss that was rather particular about Bashees taking photos of dealers with bad toupees. Besides, I still think my plan of telling the waitresses that one of the Scavenger items was a kiss from a hotel/casino employee would have worked. 

TX: The scavenger hunt was fun, no cost, and a good ice-breaker type
thing

Did you attend any unplanned events? (Explain)
EB: Breakfast with Ira on Saturday morning at 8:30 was a trip and a half! I was sooo pleased I managed to drag myself outta bed and over to the meeting place on time. The company was more than worth the effort and sacrifice.

SC: Not unless you include the 4am viewing of Austin Powers in my room, with the 4 am room service feed-fest :)

SO: Well, there was my repeated mugging by casino personnel. And then there was the matter of my unexpected wedding. Who would've thunk it, a chapel on the same floor as Sunday's brunch. It was a sign, I tell you. But Summie made an excellent best man, Toonces a blushing virginal bride, EweBet the daintiest of flower girls, and Paige the perfect spokesperson for Kleenex. BTW, David?? You were never officially ordained, right??

TX: Wasn't invited to the orgy with the showgirls wearing only whipped
cream and smiles ;P

~ TOP TEN NON-BASH ATTENDEES ~
by Toonces464 and EweBet

From the home office in the west wing on the 5th floor of AOL Headquarters...

10. Shayna and Sasha, Iggy and Nora (of course, we had to say it ;D)

 9. Zach Horan, to tell us everything there is to know about Vegas...bad
Zachie! 

 8. Scrambler, Age/Sex Checks and DOOM Codes

 7. Host Czar and Baron Wo, to hold their craps seminar

 6. AOL's Terms of Service (TOS)

 5. Billy Joel and Louie Louie

 4. Aunt Lizzy, to advise Summie on what to do with her winnings

 3. The Prize Fairy, for the rest of us ;D 

 2. Hunnychile, dammit!

 1. All the wonderful Parlor hosts and players who kept the Parlor running in our absence! {{{{{}}}}}

The BashGram™ is a special supplement to The 'Gram, the official
newsletter of the Game Haven. If you'd like to be added to our subscription list, please send e-mail to Toonces464.