Special Supplement Edition of The 'Gram
October 17, 1999

Las Vegas is once again recovering from the aftermath of yet another Haven Bash. 

The October bash included a poolside luau (and a hula dance spotlighting our very own MrNtellect, clad in his grass skirt), the Legends in Concert impersonation show, musical champagne brunch chairs and most importantly, Derik the adorable bartender (though not as adorable as Wizzrobe {S gag}). We also celebrated EweBet's 50th birthday, and the upcoming birthdays of Courtzie, Quixotik1 and Wizzrobe, with old person games, a jacuzzi, balloons and some very interesting tricks with whipped cream. The Imperial Palace Hotel, our home for the weekend, was even kind enough to provide Al frm Cal with his very own full-length mirror under the bar. Will he win this year's best dressed award? To find out, just keep reading!

~ TOP 10 THINGS OBSERVED AT THE COCKTAIL PARTY ~
by MJones8135

From The Home Office at the newly re-opened Harrah's Casino in New Orleans: 

10. Wizzrobe: "Is that your drink ticket?"

9. Whipped cream was included with the price of the buffet.

8. HostSuMeB was seen selling tote bags to drunks.

7. Toonces found out Wilt Chamberlain couldn't blow up 20,001 balloons.

6. At the buffet only the eggrolls were older than EweBet.

5. Derik the bartender never expected part-time alcoholic online geeks to show up in the Sampan room.

4. Rjaydee and Silktap resurrected the Taxidance.

3. MosinAlong discovered there's more to a blowjob than she expected. 

2. MJones8135 decided to win $1000 and give $800 to the Rio in the same night.

And the #1 thing observed at the cocktail party.....

1. Squid took pictures of the whole thing. 

~ FACTS WE LEARNED AT THE FALL 1999 HAVEN BASH ~ 
by the residents of room 1818, with a little help from our friends

From the home office of the fashion police...

10. $20 blown is the same whether it's thrown down a nickel slot or a dollar slot.

9. Anything tastes better in the jacuzzi.

8. It's never polite for a swimsuit to point.

7. To make the elevator work, you have to push the buttons.

6. When you turn into a raisin, it's probably time to get out of the tub/jacuzzi/pool.

5. When the pressure is really on, Wizz is a wuss.

4. It's *always* Vern's fault.

3. Whipped cream does stick to body hair (and it's able to fly).

2. It's good luck to kiss a glass table.

And the #1 fact we learned at the Fall 1999 Haven Bash.....

1. While hope may float, the Unaboober does not.

~ MOST OVERHEARD COMMENTS IN VEGAS ~
by Courtzie

1. Oh Blubber Boy!!
1a. Refill, please
1b. Towel please

2. Its just a little......

3. Are we still short? 

4. The password is <shrimp, whipped cream, blue drinks, etc.>

5. Where is the kissino?

6. Whose foot is that??

7. What the heck does *that* mean?

8. Where IS that room service menu?

~ WICKED BASH RUMORS ~
by Toonces464 and Snazzey

~ GUESS THE SCREEN NAME ~
by the residents of room 1818 with a little help from our friends

Can you match the bash screen name to the attendee? Answers at the bottom of the BashGram:

~ BASH BEST/WORST AWARDS ~

Here are the results of the bash survey, as voted by the attendees:

Best Hotel: Venetian

Best Casino: Imperial Palace

Luckiest Gambler: YellowAlso

Best Non-Gambling Attraction: The jacuzzi in room 1818

Best Drinks: Blue Hawaiis

Best Food: Thursday night luau

Worst Food: Toonie's days-old patty melt 

Best Dressed: SassyWnch

Best Bash Quote: "Oh Blubberboy!"

Best Bash Souvenir: Memories (awwwww)

Best View: Off the balcony of room 1818

Best Serviceperson (Waiter, Waitress, Bartender, Cab Driver, etc.): Derik the adorable bartender at the cocktail party (sorry Wizz)

Havenite Who Looked Most Like You Expected: Silktap

Havenite Who Looked Least Like You Expected: Myrnaloi1

Havenite You'd Most Like To See At The Next Bash: LatteLady7

Havenite Who Holds Their Liquor Best: Rjaydee

Havenite Who Holds Their Liquor Worst: Wizzrobe

Havenite Most Likely To Be Missing In Action: TNTsmile

Havenite With The Best Sense Of Humor: Al frm Cal

Havenite Most Likely To Prune In Water: Courtzie

Most Memorable Bash Moment: Anything to do with whipped cream at the cocktail party

Attraction You're Most Sorry To Have Missed Seeing: The top of the Eiffel Tower at Paris Hotel

Bash Theme Song: Only The Good Die Young

Most Charming Male: VSCLEM (Editor's Note: {S spitsoda})

Most Charming Female: EweBet

Friendliest Male: Squid n2

Friendliest Female: Snazzey

King Of The Bash: Wizzrobe

Queen Of The Bash: Toonces

Best Part Of The Bash: Friday night cocktail party

Worst Part Of The Bash: Waiting for the elevators

~ VEGAS BASH *DO NOT* LIST ~
By SJoleneS

5) DO NOT expect cell phones to work inside the casinos (especially if they are turned off, huh Toonie? <eg>)

4) DO NOT guzzle Grand Marnier so you can walk outside the hotel only to find other people are standing out front drinking. 

3) DO NOT go down the Strip on a Saturday night and expect to get to the other end any time soon.

2) DO NOT call AAA and expect them to be able to get down the Strip any faster than you did to get your car going again. 

And the #1 DO NOT.......

1) DO NOT give up on trying to find everyone..perserverance DOES pay off!

~ LIFE LESSONS LEARNED IN LAS VEGAS ~
By TNTsmile

 ~ AS THE DAYS OF THE GENERAL HAVEN TURN ~
By Snazzey

This episode finds us in a new Palace of an Imperial style rather than Stationary. We zoom in through the open balcony doorway of Suite 1818 and find our Havenites scattered throughout...some are sitting either on the couch, chairs or floor of the main living area, watching the entertainment behind the bar:

JiLilliput: We can't sit around here long... I was on a winning streak!
Quixotik1: I guess you could call this weekend a winner for me! <g>
Silktap: (dancing behind the bar) o/~ I'm winning, I'm winning! o/~
Wizzrobe: (from the floor) Silkie, I can sing!
TNTSmile: But not as well as I can! Does anyone want to walk 500 miles to do karaoke with me?
MyrnaLoi1: (muttering) I think I might have to walk 500 miles just to find safety from these crazies! Denise, why didn't you warn me??
SeaDenise: (whispering) I thought maybe they wouldn't be as bad this time!
MosinAlong: I'm only here for the blowjobs.
YellowAlso: Do I actually hear Silkie singing something besides Billy Joel?
Wizzrobe: (rolling over on the floor) Wolley, I can sing!

Out in the hallway of the hotel, we see two people carrying a large, square, black object between them as they search for the correct room number:

Arrowflyn: SJ, are you sure AlfrmCal said he wanted *a* DieHard?
SJoleneS: It was either *a* DieHard or *to* die hard, now I'm confused!

Just then we hear noise from the bedroom, where a number of Havenites are sharing the bubble-filled jacuzzi:

Toonces464: Oh my God, Al's drowning in the jacuzzi!
AlfrmCal: (surfacing abruptly) I think I know where the best view in Vegas is! <eg>
Rjaydee: Of course I'm the best view! Silkie told me so!
Courtzie: She must've meant *before* you prune up.
Snazzey: Al, I don't think you saw what you thought you saw!
Squid n2: Wait, let me get the camera!
EweBet: You take pictures of this, Squiddie, and you'll be singing soprano! 
Wizzrobe: (still on the floor) Betsy, I can sing!
PaisleyToo: Were you blinded by my new sunshine tattoo, Al?
HostSuMeB: He must have been blinded by the sparkly jacket I bought with my winnings! (she flashes the room)
MrsJodikin: No offense, Sue, but it'd be much cuter if it were pink!
Linkdeb: Pink? Did someone say pink?? (looking around frantically)

Meanwhile, back at the minibar:

VSCLEM: (ducking behind the bar) Hello, my name is Al, and I'll be your bartender for this evening. My specialties are Purple Nurples, Blowjobs, and Long Island Iced Teas.
Sotacrackr: You mean you don't have any soda?
Wheatboy: (looking a little green) I'd like some Dr. Pepper...or maybe some Ginger Ale, I don't feel so well! (he leaves suddenly, colliding with MJones on the way in)
MJones8135: The mystery is solved! I *am* the walrus! And by the way, I think I saw some people in the hallway carrying a car battery.
Tiggerbon: It must've needed water. I wonder if we can siphon some from the jacuzzi?
SassyWnch: MrN, sweetie, where did your grass skirt go? That was *so* sexy!!
MrNtellect: It just didn't seem as much fun without the hula band singing "Tiny Bubbles".
Wizzrobe: MrN, I can sing!!

And so, we leave our Havenites for this bash. Will Arrow and SJ find the right room? Will Myrna survive the bash? Will Wizzy finally get a chance to sing? Will Al die hard? Tune in next time and find out!

~ THE OFFICIAL GUIDE TO LAS VEGAS FOR THE VERTICALY CHALLENGED ~
by Al frm Cal

Being a person who is short of stature, I have seen Las Vegas from a very different perspective than the rest of you. Therefore I have compiled a list of things to do and see while in town that will ensure that you have as wonderful a trip as I had.

1) At any Vegas show, look for the prettiest woman in the audience and ask if you can sit on her lap so you can see the stage better.

2) Any cocktail waitress can provide much needed shelter in the event of rain. You'll stay dry, she'll be very wet...and this is a good thing!

3) They only charge you half price at the buffet.

4) For an extra buck tip, the men's room attendant will actually pick you up so you can use the urinal.

5) Any mirror becomes a full length mirror (i.e. the ones under the bar in most suites).

6) Look out the windows of any 3rd floor room and it feels like you are in the penthouse. This will save you lots of money.

7) Feeling lonely? Hang out in the casino looking sad and women will come up to you all day long asking if you've lost your mommy.

8) You can get all the balloon animals you want for free at Circus Circus.

9) If you shave your head, people will think you are that guy "mini me" from the latest Austin Powers movie.

10) Any hot tub or spa will provide hours of enjoyment, allowing you to swim many laps and do high dives off of Vern's shoulders.

11) At the Venetian, when no one is looking, you can water ski behind the gondolas while Rjay is ogling the gondolier.

And since Vegas isn't the safest place in the world...I would like to offer some safety tips.

1) Stay away from the arcades. The big kids will only take your money.

2) Stay away from any show featuring live animals such as tigers, etc. They have been known to prey on the weak and helpless.

3) Seigfried AND Roy!!

4) Beware of sidewalk performers with monkeys. Sometime the monkey will get sick and need a replacement.

Hopefully following these handy tips will provide you with a multitude of possibilities on your next trip to Nevada. I hope to see you then...but only if you look down.

~ A BASH VIRGIN'S IMPRESSIONS OF VEGAS ~
by MosinAlong

Las Vegas, Nevada ... what a strange and delightful place. I'm still not convinced that it is actually part of the United States even though maps and satellite images show it is.

The first thing that struck me were the slot machines right in the airport terminal. I had heard people talk about them but I didn't realize that they would be located 20 ft. from the jet way. I was able to resist the urge to dig for quarters and continued through the airport gazing at all the shops that are located there, even a Harley Davidson store.

On the ride from the airport to the hotel, our driver was bound and determined to get us there in record time to the demise of the van's shocks and several orange construction cones. Ed, my husband, and I were exchanging looks of fear due to the seediness of the neighborhood we were traveling through. After several two wheel turns through alleyways he finally pulled out onto the strip itself.

What a transformation, we went from small, low-lying, run-down motels to opulence beyond belief. And, as a Las Vegas virgin, I was struck by the phallic symbolism that is represented on virtually every street corner. From the tall thin structures that make up the New York, New York to the thick, chunky cones of light in front of Bally's to the bulbous tip of the space needle with the roller coaster on top.

Entering a casino for the first time is an absolute assault on your visual and audio senses. The darkness that is broken by flashing neon and ringing bells literally stops you in your tracks. It takes a bit to figure it out but eventually it turns out that the casino itself is ringed by $1 slot machines, then in the center you'll find all the table games ... black jack, pow gai poker, roulette, craps, etc. Scattered throughout are quarter slots and there's usually a corner for nickel slots.

I really thought that I was gonna clean up big time when after playing for about 15 minutes the first night I hit $250 on one of the slots. About the only thing that did was allow me to play on the casino's money for most of the weekend. I hit some smaller jackpots along the way so it was fun.

Walking from casino to casino was a treat, each one is more elaborate than the next and they're definitely all eye candy. Of course Ed was amazed by the gravity defying costumes of all the casino waitresses. I think my favorite casino to just sit back and relax in while feeding quarters in the machines and drinking free cocktails was the Venetian. But, New York, New York had the most charged energy and diversity of visuals to feast on.

The worst part was the food, buffets are the name of the game and you have to wait in line forever to get a table from which you have to hop up and down continually to get even a cup of coffee. We tried to get into the buffet at Paris which features provencal French cuisine, we waited in line for about 20 minutes just to find out that we were waiting to get a reservation for a seating that would be over an hour away. The traditional restaurants served delicious food with impeccable service but they were quite pricey. The one restaurant in Caesar's was $72.95 per person.

The weather was wonderful ... hot and sunny during the day with the bluest sky I've ever seen. It cooled off quite a bit at night so it wasn't totally intolerable fighting your way through the hordes of people that had absolutely no idea where they were going and would stop dead in front of you to figure it out.

All in all, it was definitely a once in a lifetime experience. Will I go back? Not quite sure yet, maybe once I regain my hearing and get my bank account balanced again. ;)

~ THE CITY OF SIN: QUESTIONS AND OBSERVATIONS ~
by MrNtellect

Here are just a few observations and questions from our weekend in The City of Sin:

O: You just don't see enough fire-eaters entertaining you as you dine on the East coast.

Q: Did Al have a clone, because I ran into him EVERYWHERE?

O: The water fountain show at The Bellaggio was very kewl!

Q: What was the vintage of the high quality "champagne on tap"..Sept. 1999?

O: I'll have a hard time paying $30 for prime rib, now that I have witnessed a $6.99 Prime Rib Buffet.

Q: Will the next Bash feature a Jacuzzi Party?

O: In the "Battle of the Spouses Who Were Stuck With Us" Jodi's hubby, Fred, seemed to have the most fun.

Q: Didn't the women vote to invite Derik to the next Bash?

O: I don't know that Derik will ever be able to look at another can of whipped cream and not shiver.

Q: Can the next Bash involve a flight of less than 4½ hours...please?!

O: No one should ever dress up and try to sing like Prince...unless under doctor's care.

Q: Did our hotel officially have the crappiest cable TV of any hotel you have ever stayed in? (I want my HBO!)

O: There is NOTHING wrong with a man in a grass skirt!

~ BASH ROUNDTABLE ~
by Rjaydee

Roundtable Panel: MN: MrNtellect; MO: MosinAlong; SQ: Squid n2; TN: Toonces464

What was your favorite part of the bash? 
MN: covorting at the cocktail party

MO: The cocktail party on Friday night

SQ: Officially the cocktail party. The bartender was great (did Toonie make him disappear?), and seeing certain people blasted beyond drunkeness was entertaining. Unofficially, the karaoke bar. Maybe next time we can ALL crash one of those places.

TN: Hanging out in the room, in or out of the jacuzzi, ordering room service, drinking and watching porno movies. It kept me from dumping all my cash into the slot machines, and it was fun to teach Wizzy and Vern the difference between real ones and fake ones. I only hope they found it to be an educational and enlightening experience... ;D

What was your least favorite part of the bash? 
MN: not being in the jacuzzi with everyone else

MO: There really wasn't anything I didn't like

SQ: The elevators. The elevators. 

TN: Waiting for the damn elevators.

What would you do different next time? 
MN: spend more time with the group 

MO: Try to spend a little more time with the group

SQ: I would consider singing at the karaoke bar...IF I could find the "right" song. (In other words, never ask me to do it ;)

TN: I would *not* take my winnings and dump 'em all back into a slot machine <sigh>. I also wouldn't pack so much crap so that I didn't have to struggle like a little old lady to get everything off the baggage carousel. And I'd room with people who had some manners... ;)

What would you do the same?
MN: No answer.

MO: Get ridiculously drunk at the cocktail party ;)

SQ: Take lots of incriminating photos.

TN: Ask for an upgrade to a jacuzzi suite... ;D

What memory will recall as the funniest memory of the bash?
MN: the bartender's look as he applied whipped cream to several women :o)

MO: Silkie and RJ yelling at Wolley to GRIND IT!! when they had her up dancing

SQ: The look on Wizzrobe's face in the picture I took of him and Courtzie in the hot tub. I know, not really what you were asking...but you will see what I mean when you see the pic. (there is another pic of him and Silk that stands out...bet you just can't wait to see them, huh? hehe. <eg>)

TN: It would have to be a tie between spitting my shot all over Rjay and trying to get Vern to eat my days-old patty melt.

What person who was missing, would you most like to see at the next bash?
MN: anyone but Zach

MO: Hmm, I'd like to meet Meddy and Fluffy and Foggy

SQ: DougU4, or Onotes. Or Shaggy. Or...

TN: Oh man, LatteLady7, hands down. But at least she was able to make several phone cameos... ;)

What person was the biggest surprise and why?
MN: Snazzey... she is often kinda quiet in the game rooms, but was wonderfully 
outgoing in person

MO: Myrna, for some reason I pictured her completely different and I knew she was funny on line, but she is way more witty in person. 

SQ: I don't know. 

TN: Wizzrobe...we actually managed to co-exist for five days without killing each other! ;D

What person was the least surprising and why? 
MN: Wheatboy...I had heard that he was a nice guy, and I very much enjoyed meeting him

MO: Stinky Linkie of course, I 've spent way too much time with her already.

SQ: Toonces. Even with all that she did (you know what I mean), I don't think there is anything I haven't seen her do. 

TN: EweBet...she's managed to put up with my crap for nearly four years now, and continues to do so...and she didn't stare at me in the mirror over the bed... ;D

~ TOP 10 THINGS I LEARNED WHILE IN VEGAS ~
by Linkdeb

From the home office in her own mind...

10. Don't ever let Toonie and Mosin around a cute bartender. {S blowjob}

9. Wizzie "does" know how to scuba dive.

8. Whipped cream has now been banned from the Strip.

7. Quixie and Wolley DO know how to dance!

6. Myrnaloi has a much worse accent than I.

5. You won't get a lot of strange looks in a casino, even when yer wearing a hawaiian shirt and a grass skirt. ;x

4. Always remember to pack yer swim suit, or you'll miss out on all the "soapy sunken treasure" invites. ;x

3. When you hear someone yell "All right, I hit it big", and you see flashing lights and ringing bells, it only means that someone (not Al frm Cal), has hit a jackpot!

2. I'm now very afraid of Silktap. ;)

And the #1 thing I learned while in Vegas.....

1. I'm hooked on these bashes now and will nevah miss one! {S nexttime} 

~ GUESS THE SCREEN NAME ANSWERS ~

1-n; 2-q; 3-b; 4-bb; 5-cc; 6-f; 7-c; 8-j; 9-y; 10-g; 11-x; 12-p; 13-s; 14-h; 15-a; 16-u; 17-o; 18-v; 19-t; 20-k; 21-aa; 22-z; 23-d; 24-e; 25-r, 26-m; 27-w; 28-i; 29-l

The BashGram™ is a special supplement to The 'Gram, the official
newsletter of the Game Haven. If you'd like to be added to our subscription list, please send e-mail to Toonces464.