Special Supplement Edition of The 'Gram
October 14, 2000

From CabanaBoyNrmn receiving "the big O" from Toonie and Moppy Thursday night in the piano bar, to a rousing game of "Pin The Tail On Wizzrobe" in Room 1818, this year's Vegas bash was a smashing success. Highlights included karaoke at the cocktail party (man, we have some really awful singers out there <g>), a group viewing of the Yankee game from Rjay and Silk's bed, tons of Jell-O shots and blue tongues, and a special guest appearance by Al. No one got arrested (though several people came close) and everyone agrees this was by far the best bash ever. 

I'd also like to take a minute to thank Cosmik, my co-editor on this year's BashGram, as well as all the contributors who had me LMAO as their submissions poured in. :)

~ BASH SURVEY ~
by MrNiquity

In your view, what were the most memorable moments of LVB2K?
(it means Las Vegas Bash 2000...geeez!)

Cosmik: The look on the Klingon's face when I told him the food at the Quark Bar 'doesn't suck.' Well, that's certainly a ringing endorsement of the cuisine.

ANewLesMiz: Being molested by Al. Oh Miz, if only you knew what other molesting occurred when you fell asleep on the floor Sunday night. <g>

Tululahh: Toonie's obscene phone call with Hairy. And she was nice enough to make that one a freebie. She usually charges $3.99/minute for that.

Linkdeb: Sitting next to Wolley, Mo & Moomie, while playing the Elvis slots, and singing every time on of us hit the "Play Elvis" thingie. Oooooh, ok. NOW I see why I saw the four of you in rhinestone jumpsuits singing 'Love Me Tender.' I just thought y'all were propositioning HairyTheApes.

CabanaBoyNrmn: Jili and Wolley's travels in MensRoomLand. <covering ears> I do NOT wanna know!!

Ybbh923: All the abuse that little monkey took. I recall some spanking of the monkey, but I really don't think that qualified as abuse.

MosinAlong: The look on Pony's face when he made the mistake of standing behind Huggs and her 'straw.' Huggs, if you still have a straw, what did you fly to Europe to have that operation for?

Rjaydee: Quix singing 'You're Just Too Good To Be True' (and finally admitting his love for me, to all in attendance). You?? Too good to be true?? Yeah, ok. That just goes to show you that some folks will sing anything for $20.

It seems that Moomie and Wolley really enjoyed those Elvis Slots. The evening of karaoke and debauchery known as the Cocktail Party was rather memorable to Squid n2, Toonie, Snazzey, MoonMagic1 and SeaDenise. And Silktap, Furan and TxLegalPro seemed to have a grand time staying up all night, being a disruption in the Kabuki Lounge.

Just a couple of personal notes: The Piano Bar at New York New York was kewl. The two guys singing together were awesome! The GabFests and Jello shooters in 1817/1818 were a blast, and a lot cheaper than other entertainment. And we won't even discuss Mickey, Grumpy, and olive. :o)

~ TOP 15 THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE I GOT TO VEGAS ~ 
by Cosmik

From The Home Office at The Bar In Times Square: 

15. All casinos look the same and have the same machines, but don't let that fool you into thinking they pay out the same. Every casino's payout is as different as its decor.

14. If you want to do things with a group of people, grab them BEFORE the drinking and gambling start, otherwise you're left with the floor show in the Kabuki Lounge.

13. Las Vegas, being in the desert, is a very dry town. Plan on drinking twice as much water (not to be confused with other liquids or jello) as you usually do.

12. The sheer size of Las Vegas. I wasn't prepared, having seen the city on TV and in books and online, for the magnitude of the Strip. They don't tell you that a block in Las Vegas is half a mile across and a mile deep.

11. You don't HAVE to walk everywhere. There's a trolley that runs up one side of the strip and down the other, several of the hotels have trams, and there's a monorail between the MGM Grand and Bally's.

10. When Moppy says a melon baller is not on the Scavenger Hunt list, it's not, so don't bother bringing one.

9. How fun and EASY it is to be a SLOT SLUT!

8. Las Vegas is NOT an all night town. Just try to find a decent meal at 3:43am.

7. The lyrics to "This Night".

6. How much food is in those bash bags!

5. How to talk to a Klingon.

4. They don't actually charge you for those cocktails they offer you while you're playing the slots.

3. Twald writes down EVERYTHING YOU SAY.

2. You have to shave or don a wetsuit before they let you in the Jacuzzi.

And the Number 1 thing I wish I'd known before I got to Vegas:

1. How much damn FUN these things are!

~ WHERE IN THE WORLD IS AL? ~ 
by Toonces464

Al made a special guest appearance at this year's Vegas bash, and I believe this was the most fun he ever had at a bash. Unfortunately, Al never got to go to the bathroom, since Furan, Squiddie and Wizzrobe all said he didn't have to go every time I asked them to take him. Pictures of Al's adventures in Vegas are available in the photo album.

Some of the places Al was spotted during the weekend:

~ MOST OVERHEARD COMMENTS IN VEGAS ~
by MrNiquity and Twaldlady

"Nice tassels."

"Al seems to be hanging a bit to the left."

"You're playing Craps by yourself?"

"You were a lot of fun...and then SHE walked in!"

"You need to be at least this tall to ride this ride."

"So, you mean the porno doesn't come on both televisions?"

"You're supposed to just stick your tongue in and then suck it out."

"They're all nice players, look cute, and look really good in their uniforms...well, all except for Luis Sojo"

"That's guaranteed to be 12 feet of burning passion!"

"You mean you TALK afterwards?!"

"You know that was the best 43 seconds you ever had!"

"Hey Swede!!"

"Go Yankees!!!"

"I was drunk."

"Have straw, will travel."

"Where do you want Al?"

"That's the blue tongue of happiness." 

"What happened to the bash?"

"I know what demented teletubbies look like."

"I was so, so, so drunk!"

"Oh no, this can't bite me anymore."

"Whadda want and where do you want it?"

"We don't actually know this for a fact."

"Oh god, let me die now."

"You know, the last time I saw something that blue, it was on a pregnancy test."

"I'm being smooched by a Ewe."

"I can't abuse him enough in 10 minutes."

"Fly me, I'm Will!"

"There's something really gross about that."

~ OBSERVATIONS OF A CABANABOY ~
by CabanaBoyNrmn

As I sit here in the afterglow of my first bash, the thought occurred to me...what shall I contribute to The BashGram? I was sure that a top ten list or 40 were already in the works, and let's face it...I am not the most creative mind this side of the Great Wall of China! That left me with no other choice than to either A) Make up a bunch of Thong jokes, or B) Take what I experienced and make some much needed upgrades to the Cabana, making some additions that I'm sure will please everyone! So without further doggy-doo, here goes!

1. A special area where all patrons can have their picture taken with Bob, utilizing only the best lighting techniques to bring out his unique aura.

2. A jukebox featuring the entire song library of one Mr. Billy Joel.

3. Two foot tall glasses for use only when Ewe and Courtzie want "Tall Blue Thingies".

4. One barstool set aside for the expressed use of table dances for Quix.

5. Karaoke machine with cordless mics so Rjay can perform #4.

6. King size notebooks for Huggs to record all stray comments for later out of context use during Finish Up.

7. Art selections chosen by Snazzey, except for the Velvet Elvis, which stays.

8. A string attached to the LADIES Room for JiLilliput and Wolley, so they don't get lost on the way.

9. A golf cart for Pook and Jeanne's 5 minute walks that turn into 45 minute walks.

10. Complimentary hair scrunchies for Moppy and Silkie.

And finally....

11. Yellow roses (straight from Texas!) for all the CabanaBabies and hearty handshakes to all the CabanaBrothers for making my (and Mrs. C's) first bash absolutely wonderful! Drinks are on the house!

~ ODE TO THE VEGAS BASH ~
by ANewLesMiz

I often go to Las Vegas
and bashers go there too
In fact, we went in Y2K
to meet a friend or two

We sat at the Kabuki
where we often had a drink
While watching Wolley share her joy
with SeaD, Broild and Link
I think Squid took a lot of pics
of Court, Al, Ewe and Wizz
Then others stopped to gawk and stare
when Bob was with LesMiz

Becky was so innocent
or so she did appear ;)
Cabana sang some songs for us
that we wanted to hear
ChiGal, Furry, Hairy
Symon, Dolfan, Sota too
all cheered wildly at the end
with Mo and Bunnyfoo

Was it over, no, not quite
The fun just would not stop
Until we heard those voices sing
Yes, I mean Toon and Mop
Snazzey, Silk and Strawlady
stayed up almost all night
as Jeanne talked with Legalpro
beneath the real dim light

Arrow, BB, Dragons
and Pony and Wheat, Cos too,
they got up and sang a song
"Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw"
MrsJoFlyn, Jilill and Moom
and also MrsJodikins
all sang "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"
with Moonie, Bratt and Spin

Quixie was real happy,
he finally got the chance
His smile, it stretched from ear to ear
when RJ did her dance
MrN, Tululahh,
Pooky and dear Su,
Summie, Tigger, all of us
felt sad to bid adieu

To all the friends we had just made
the time it went too fast
It seemed that just like all our wagers
it wasn't meant to last
But soon we all will meet again
in Y2K + 1
We hope you'll visit also
and join us in our fun

~ BASH BEST/WORST AWARDS ~

Here are the results of the bash survey, as voted by the attendees:

Best Hotel Theme: New York New York

Best Slot Machine Theme: Elvis

Luckiest Gambler: Wolley

Best Non-Gambling Attraction: Cocktail party karaoke

Best Drinks: Blowjobs

Best Flavor Of Jello Shots: Blueberry rum

Best Food: Imperial Palace Room Service

Worst Food: Toonie's patty melt

Best Photo Opportunity: Samurai Wizzrobe and Squiddie 

Best Al Sighting: "Horsie riding" ANewLesMiz

Best Karaoke Number: "Just A Gigolo" by CabanaBoyNrmn

Best Live Entertainment: Dueling Pianos at NY NY

Best Bash Bag Item: Though they weren't officially in the bash bags, the winner was the screen name key chains from Moomie and Ybbh. Of actual bash bag items, the snapping animals, also provided by Moomie and Ybbh, were the winner.

Best Bash Quote: Wizz: "What happened?" Toonie: "What happened to what?" Wizz: "What happened to the bash?" Toonie: "You're at the bash." Wizz: "Oh. <snore>."

Best Dressed: Silktap

Best Sense Of Humor: HOST PAR Broild

Basher Who Looked Most Like You Expected: Furan

Basher Who Looked Least Like You Expected: Hairy The Apes

Most Charming Male: Squiddie

Most Charming Female: MoonMagic1

Havenite Most Missed At The Bash: FoghrnLegh (close runner-ups: GoodOlEggy, KnoxMeOut)

Best Drunk: MosinAlong

Worst Drunk: Wizzrobe

Basher Most Likely To Play "The Invisible Man" On Broadway: DanDragons

Basher Most Likely To Get Arrested: Linkdeb

Basher Most Likely To Make An Obscene Phone Call To Another Room: Toonie

King Of The Bash: CabanaBoyNrmn

Queen Of The Bash: Rjaydee 

Best Part Of The Bash: The cocktail party

Worst Part Of The Bash: Leaving

~ A MAD COW RUNS AMUCK IN VEGAS ~
By Moominator

Wow! What a weekend! It is going to be difficult to encapsulate everything that happened in one short column. Realizing that this was to be a weekend full of adventure, I started this column early, jotting down my first notes on an airsickness bag during my journey. Only the best office supplies for this outfit, you know!

We were a little nervous about our luggage, fearing we'd hear, "Would the people with the blender, butt grabbers, goofy pins and other assorted objects in their luggage please report to security." over the loud speaker, but fortunately, that didn't happen.

The first leg of our journey took BB (Ybbh) and me to Dallas. We knew we were on the right plane, when we noticed a woman who bore a striking resemblance to Lady Bird. Yep, she must be headed towards Dallas. Another clue was the pilot. After cutting in line ahead of us (we thought it polite to let him, as he might come in useful), he announced that his name was Ewing. J.R.? Bobby? Guess they had to do something for a living once their television show was canceled. Settling into our seats and cruising altitude, BB made note that the first class passengers were gleefully partaking of their first class beverages, while us commoners in coach sucked on the communal cup of ice, leftover from a previous flight. Finally, we were served our first drink, and vacation time had begun!

An hour layover in Dallas turned into a two hour layover, much to the dismay of one traveler. To make sure that none of missed out on the opportunity of enjoying her mood, she loudly and constantly whined, complained, moaned and groaned to anyone and everyone who was within earshot. Alarmed, BB and I looked at each other and said, Oh God! I hope she's not one of us!, making note of her physical appearance in order to avoid her while in Vegas. Arriving at our destination, we stepped outside to call Mo on her cell phone. This started a game of Ring Around The Mosin, or Hide And Go Moo as we circled the luggage claim area, linked to the cell phones, saying things like, Where are you? Baggage area 1. Do you see a sign that says Bellagio? No, are you near the MGM sign? We found each other, hopped on the shuttle bus and headed for the Imperial Palace. When we arrived, we were greeted by Linkie, Wolley and Spinny, who promptly called us snerts and demanded to know why Vegas would let a group like us in. We figured that if they'd let Toonces and Wayne Newton in, wed certainly be welcomed.

The rest of the weekend was a blur of clinking coins, flashing lights, ringing bells and really bad lounge singers that resembled mutant Donny and Marie clones. As Jeanne and Jodi remarked, Were not sitting here for the music. Were just waiting for the guys pants to split.

While walking to the Flamingo and seeing fliers being handed out, BB noted that they must be religious pamphlets. Upon looking at the pictures on them, I believe that, while being with one of those women might be considered a religious experience, they were not from any recognized church.

Upon winning her big slot jackpot, Wolley scribbled numbers on a napkin, attempting to decipher just how much she had actually won. Linkie and I proclaimed that such behavior is why Vegas is considered to be evil - it makes you do math!

Mo complained that the sheets on her bed were very thin. We all figured that it wasn't the sheets, but just certain areas of them, which had been worn thin from all the friction. Mo also complained that the raisin toast cost more than regular toast. She refused to take my advice of plucking the raisins out and asking for a refund.

We ran into a bunch of Havenites in the Tea Room or Tea House or whatever, where laughter turned to hysteria. This ultimately resulted in Jil and Straw snorting, giving Furry the opportunity to label such noises as Snortgasms. Add to that, CabanaBoy and his wife proclaiming, Houston! We have a snorter! which just about brought the place to its knees. I'm not really sure why, and maybe I don't want to know why, Snazz then remarked that her blowing talents are usually used in different ways. I think Ill let the others figure that one out.

The cocktail party was another opportunity to note such weirdness as Straw wearing Linkie's inflatable flamingo on her head (we always knew she was a bird brain) and Wizz's introduction to me of, I'm sorry to meet you under such conditions :::giggle, stagger, thud:::. I also found out during the party that mad cows aren't the only ones with udder tassels, as RJ sported a lovely pair of sequined ones. Other sparkly objects included Tulu's Tammy Faye eyelashes, Linkie's PIP crown, BB's face tiara, Angels halo, tarnished, I must say <g>, and Bunny's ears. I love Bunny. She said, Guess who I am? Knowing it couldn't be Elmer Fudd, my first guess had to be Bunny. Toon, Bets, Mop, Silk, Courtzie and RJ wowed the crowd with their Palmer review, which looked more like an audition for ZZ Topless. Girls just wanted to have fun, boys wanted to get drunk and screw (hey, its a song!), I had a Chinese yo yo duel with Mo, thwapped Straw on the head several times with balloons, got a mouth full of whipped cream, I even had little Al the monkey boy hanging from my cleavage at one point. Thinking, however, that this was too much like the real thing, I decided to remove him. <g> A great time was had by all!

Back at the casino, it was time to Do Elvis as Mo put it, chair dancing to his greatest hits and waiting for that big progressive jackpot to hit. We were quite a sight, me, BB, Linkie, Mo, Wolley, Arrow, MrsJoFlyn and Moonie, wiggling in our chairs and shouting, Go Elvis! Big money! and whining, Elvis has left the building when we didn't get a big pay off. Linkie did win 1000 quarters, and celebrated with, Thank you! Thankyouverymuch! Linkie has left the building!

One more thing I want to share (did I say this was a short column? Oops!) was the IPs way of handling people whom they felt were a security risk (aka drunk as a skunk). The inebriated would be loaded into a wheel chair and removed from the building. We wondered what they did with the person once on the outside. Load them into a big pile on the curb? Was there a street sweeper that just scooped them all up and carted them away? I might have to conduct a full investigation of this next year.

In closing, I'd like to say thank you to Toon for organizing such a fun event. To those I had the pleasure of meeting, seeing again and chatting with, thank you for a wonderful time! To those I didn't get to spend much time with this year, consider yourself warned, for I will seek you out first thing next time!

~ HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY ATTENTION BASH TRIVIA QUIZ ~
by Cosmik
(answers at the end of the BashGram)

1. Which three casino's have a Roller Coaster?

2. Where will you find the Star Trek Experience?

3. Name the lounge duo that entertained nightly in the Kabuki Lounge.

4. What star was headlining at the Orleans while we were there?

5. Where will you find the Motown Cafe?

6. What special name does Luxor have for their elevators?

7. Which landmark casino was slated for demolition just after we left town?

8. What is the newest casino on The Strip?

9. What's the name of the road that ran in front of the Imperial Palace?

10. Where was the Italian Festival held?

11. Name the complimentary Las Vegas guide magazine that was in our rooms.

12. In what room was the Friday Night Cocktail Party held?

13. What former casino occupied the site now home to Bellagio?

14. What the Las Vegas area code?

15. Where will you find the Race For Atlantis attraction?

16. What type of band performed at the courtyard between the Imperial Palace and Harrah's?

17. Name the two Cirque de Soliel shows that were playing in Vegas.

18. For whom is the Las Vegas airport named?

19. How much does a $1 bet on video poker pay back for a Royal Flush?

20. Who sang the last karaoke song of the night at the Cocktail Party?

~ AS THE DAYS OF THE GENERAL HAVEN TURN ~
by Snazzey and Furan

Tonight we find ourselves in the Imperial Palace's Pearl Room. Our episode begins at the cocktail party where the Havenites are gathered in small groups.

Fade in to CabanaBoyNrmn as he finishes singing his signature song:

CabanaBoyNrmn: o/~ When the end comes I'll know, I was just a gigolo and life goes on without me o/~ Thankyou, thankyouverymuch <g>
Bunnyfoo: (dragging in her bag of goodies) Where's Wheatie?
MoonMagic1: (dazed from the ride over with Wizz...she whispers) I wonder how much it would cost to take Greyhound home.
Wizzrobe: (blowing up Al) Anyone up for a lively game of Pin the Tail on Me when I'm done blowing up Al? 
ArrowFlyn: I'm so glad Al is air powered and not battery powered this year! We may get to see everyone!
MrsJoFlyn: But I brought some AA batteries, just in case! <g>
Twaldlady: (holding her bloo book) Hey! Did he just say blow?! I gotta write that down!
Sotacrackr: Write this down! (swiveling hips) I'm about to lose my tequila shot virginity! Bartender!!
Cosmik: Bartender? Do you suppose he tends the piano bar? Where is that thing, anyway?

Elsewhere in the room...

Bunnyfoo: Wheatie, if you prostrate yourself, I can ordain you! (she hands over a clerical collar)
IamN0AngeI: (Confessing) Forgive me Father Wheatboy for I have sinned. I DID make all those obscene phone calls.
Wheatboy: Bless you my child. Say three Hail Marys and call me later ;)
Tiggerbon: (handing cell phone to Brattie) Why wait?
Moominator: (wearing flip-flops and holding a margarita) Toonie! I thought you said there would be Jimmy Buffett music here!
Ybbh923: o/` Moomie is the woman to blame, but I know, she'll say it's my own damned fault o/`
MosinAlong: You're a man...it's a given!
MrsJodikins: (snatches the microphone from Ybbh) I threw out my back digging the Dancing Queen... who'll give me a massage??
Furan: I believe that's my cue. Just call me Mr. Magic Fingers! (he flexes his fingers)
Snazzey: (raising hand) Oh, I threw out my back too! Dibs after Jodi.
Silktap: It's so much better with a feather. (sighing)
Bunnyfoo: (digging in bag) Hmmm...where's that feather fan?

On "stage," we find Quix in a chair surrounded by women...

Quixotik1: (showing some cleavage) Rjay, dear, wanna see my new underoos?? 
Rjaydee: Let me help. You're just NOT stripping fast enough!
Toonces464: And none of you are consuming these jello shots fast enough...what flavor does everyone want?? (she starts flinging jello shots around the room)
EweBet: (winking) I'll take whatever kind Quixie wants...but I'd prefer if it to be bloo! Quixie, wanna be smooched by a Ewe?? 
Courtzie: (digging through the karaoke books) I suppose it's too much to hope they have any Rob Zombie in here.
TxLegalPro: Man, I was sure feeling like a zombie last night! Or maybe I'd just *had* too many zombies... :x
ChicagoGal: Court, do they have "Everytime it Rains it Rains Commemorative Coins from Heaven?"
JAStickney: If they don't, I at least have 15 coins...no 16...wait...17!
YellowAlso: Don't worry about any more coins. I've already cleaned out all the slot machines within a 3 mile radius!
Linkdeb: Pretty soon she'll be able to keep me in the style to which I'd like to become accustomed.
POOKyburd: I've surveyed the room, Linkie, and there's no one here who can keep me in that kind of style!
Tululahh: o/~ Stop! In the name of love, before you break my heart! o/~
MsJeanne: I think I'm glad I can't ever hear y'all sing when I run Harmony!
Bunnyfoo: I think I have some earplugs in my bag... (searching)
PONYTAIL61: I suppose it's too much to hope you have a pool cue in there?
Dolfan13: Or a pair of 3-D glasses for the game tomorrow? Anything to make those passes look better!
MopHaided: The hell with 3-D glasses, I lost my sunglasses and "Addicted to Love" is starting!! (she starts rummaging through the bag)
HOST PAR SymonSz: Any chance there's a blindfold in there so I don't have to see Quix in his underoos?
HOST PAR Spinny: Don't underestimate that view! Oh. Dear! Do you suppose there are two?
Squid n2: It won't matter, I'll have all the blackmail photos on my website within the hour!

Near the front door:

Becky12270: (dressed in lederhosen) Just wait till there's a break in the action! It'll be my big chance to yodel!
MrNiquity: I still can't believe nobody's gotten naked yet. I was betting on Quix! Becky? Can you yodel naked?
Twaldlady: Hey! That sounded quotable!
ANewLesMiz: (tying Sue up using Bob) Bob doesn't call this torture...just another word for fun!
HOST PAR SuMeB: Ack! You can't let Bob do this! I'll be late for my date with David Cassidy!
HairyTheApes: (wearing his new Starfleet uniform) Did I hear someone say there was tribble here?
HOST PAR Broild: Not here...the tribble, err, trouble was all in our room when we were playing tricks on Denise!
SeaDenise: I should've known Broild would be behind any attempt to contaminate my vat!
DanDragons: I think I'll just sneak out and take Al with me.
JiLilliput: Dan! Wait! Show me which way to the restroom!!

Bunnyfoo: Hee, hee, hee (pulling a sign that says "Women" from her bag and putting it over the real sign...which says "Men")

So, once again, we leave our Havenites turning Las Vegas upside down. Will Hairy find tribble? Will Su miss her date with David? Will Sota really lose her tequila shot virginity? Will Bunny pull a new pair of underoos for Quix from her magic bag? Tune in next time and find out!!

~ DANGER WILL ROBINSON! ~
by Toonces464 and Mophaided

The following items were determined to be hazardous at this year's Vegas bash:

~ OBSERVATIONS OF A BASH VIRGIN ~
by POOKyburd

No matter what anyone tells you, NOTHING is "just around the corner" in Vegas. Invest in a good pair of walking shoes prior to attempting to follow directions given by any Havenite. It is, however, possible to find a cab driver who will carry you to your room for the right price.

The bartender naming a drink after you does not obligate you to drink so many of them that you end up on an elevator tour of the "other floors" of the hotel.

Once you end up on the floor, it's best to make sure all your clothing comes up with you when attempting to right yourself.

No amount of drinks named after you or anybody else can make a lounge act tolerable on the third night in a row. It can, however, make for an interesting game of "Annoy the Lounge Singers". 

Beware of Squids bearing cameras when in awkward positions on a hotel bed (especially if the position includes Squid himself <g>).

Rubbing Quix does not necessarily give you good luck in the casinos, but he seems to enjoy it <g>.

If Linkie asks what's on your shirt...don't look. Whatever it is has probably been there all day anyway...and might make for a conversation starter later in the evening. (How many fingers am I holding up, Linkie?)

The most important thing to consider when getting a roommate is "air-conditioning requirements". If you are part of a mismatched set of roomies, also note that the door to the balcony locks from the inside when closed. (Special thanks to my frozen roomie for not ever taking advantage of that - he did, however, point it out.)

Beware of "the elevator that doesn't go anywhere". This is not a myth, it really exists.

Beware of the "disappearing bash". This is a myth, but don't tell Wizzrobe.

They aren't kidding when they say "No Moleste" on the "Do Not Disturb" sign. Practice safe housekeeping...use the sign, especially while showering.

Al frm Cal is shorter and not nearly as hairy as I'd heard. You do need to watch his hands - and he is (as Toonie has mentioned on several occasions) naked (although 
he did have a little problem keeping track of...well, nevermind).

The fruit garnish on your bar drinks and jello shots does not constitute the recommended daily requirement of any vitamin or mineral.

I have already started saving my money for the next bash. I don't care where it is or when it is...I'm SO THERE!

~ BASH ROUNDTABLE ~ 
by Rjaydee

Roundtable Panel: BE: Becky12770; CO: Cosmik; CZ: Courtzie, DO: Dolfan13

What was your favorite part of the bash and why? 
BE: The cocktail party was a lot of fun...especially the blowjobs <g>. I thought having karaoke was a great idea..and very entertaining. I really enjoyed getting to meet everyone......it is great to finally see everyone face to face....especially after the amount of time we all spend together playing games. Of course, the Piano bar at NY, NY was fun too <g>

CO: Hmm, so much from which to choose. The one thing I most enjoyed was the chance to meet so many familiar names in person. My favorite thing I did was win my first game of Keno. (I'm hoping the reasons these are my favorites will be obvious.)

CZ: meeting the folks I see online all the time - now I have a face to go with the name :)

DO: The cocktail party, because everyone seemed to have a great time.

What was your least favorite part of the bash and why?
BE: I would have to say, not having enough time to really get to know everyone that attended. The people I spent the most time with...were a lot of fun. it was a pleasure to meet them. It's a shame we did not have more time.  

CO: The Sunday Brunch, because we were all spread out at little tables (and honestly, I didn't care much for the breakfast food, and they made us wait for the lunch food which wasn't that much of an improvement.)

CZ: had to be getting off the jetway in OHare on Tuesday morning to 37 degree temps - i wasnt ready to be cold again just yet ;)

DO: The brunch, because it was all so rushed and didn't have to be...after all, we WERE on the TV scroll of events at the hotel and they didn't know we were coming? Sounded a bit bush league on their part to me.

What would you do different next time and why? 
BE: Hopefully get a bit more sleep. I had a hard time functioning on the 3 hours a night I was averaging.

CO: I would arrive a day earlier. Never having been to a bash before, I figured the Columbus Day time slot was chosen for Friday and Monday travel, leaving Saturday and Sunday to do things. I was very lucky to get standby and arrive Friday afternoon (rather than 11pm) but I'd like to have gotten there Thursday afternoon for the pre-bash festivities at New York New York. =:@} Also, next time I'll know about the various trams, monorails and trolleys, so there'll be a LOT less walking. I'll also have a better idea of the lay of the land, so my excursions will be more focused and time efficient. And I'll know where to gamble and where not to. =:@} Finally, next time I'll ask for two beds (since the rate is the same either way.) That way there'll be an extra bed for whoever needs it (read: Squiddie won't have to sleep around.) =;@}

CZ: i wouldn't spend 5 and a half hrs at the pool w/o sunscreen on my back :)

DO: I might go see more shows if they were all like the Steven Wright show...SO DAMN FUNNY I almost died ;)

What would you do the same and why?
BE: Come by myself. It was nice to be free to do what I wanted. 

CO: The $4 shared limo thing was great. Video Poker at The Buffalo was great. The food at the Rainforest Cafe (in the MGM Grand) was great. "Forever Plaid" at the Flamingo was great. These are all things I'll probably try to do again.

CZ: would definitley still *do* the pool - just not quite so much first day out ;)

DO: Not gamble so much, this time I gambled for a sum total of about an hour and a half and had a great time otherwise :)

What memory will recall as the funniest memory of the bash?
BE: This is a tough question to answer...there were so many. I really had a blast watching everyone karaoke. 

CO: Without a doubt, a certain basher (whose name I will not mention) and the certain peculiarity of her laugh (along with the certain hand gesture that always preceeds said peculiarity.)

CZ: had to be the guys getting up and singing on Friday nite <g>

DO: Probably shooting the breeze with Tomi, Steph, Jeff and Christine before the Steven Wright concert...I think Tomi got most of her quotes from those conversations ;)

What person who was missing, would you most like to see at the next bash?
BE: Another tough question...there are so many people I would love to see attend the next bash. If I have to narrow it down...I would say MadMomJI. I think she would be a lot of fun. 

CO: It's between DaleLyles and LatteLady, but I've met Dale so I'll say Latte 'cause I'd love to meet her. 
CZ: There were a few folks missing this year, actually :) Foggie, Queenie, LatteLady all were missed - we'll hope that maybe next time, they can come and join the festivities :D

DO: Lattigo, without a doubt. I haven't seen him in forever and would like to catch up.

What person was the biggest surprise and why?
BE: I would have to say Al. He was much taller then I imagined <g>

CO: HostParSymon. For some reason, I never got that Symon is a she. Don't ask me why. 

CZ: I had no idea that Cosmik and BearMacD were the same person and both are just a *riot* to go running around with out on the strip in search of more players club cards <g>

DO: Probably Hairy the Apes, because he went completely against type from what he is online.

What person was the least surprising and why? 
BE: MrN....he is as much fun in person...as he is online. 

CO: Wizzrobe. Of all the people I'd never met, he was the only one who, when I saw him, I said "That's gotta be Wizz." (No, I don't mean I'd have thought *other* people were Wizz, I mean I guessed who he was before we met. You know.)

CZ: the crew in 1818 and adjoining room <g> a bawdy wench is something that never changes (and two rooms of 'em is something to be feared) ;)

DO: Jeanne, cuz I've known her longer than anyone else ;)

~ TOP 15 SIGNS I SAW ON BASHERS' HOTEL ROOM DOORS ~
by Linkdeb

From the home office in Al frm Cal's little room in the hallway of the 18th floor...

15. On Moppie's door: "Gone Gambling"

14. On Spinny's door: "*e$t#y&w@P" (I need a translator, damn yankee) <g>

13. On Pooky's door: "Circus-Circus Exercise Queen"

12. On Broild's door: "If you don't hear the voices, do not enter"

11. On Twald's door: "Straw Blower"

10. On Moomie's and Ybbh's door: "Snerts"

9. On JiLi's door: "Snort Queen"

8. On Bunnyfoo's door: "I think Ed stole my ears"

7. On Cosmik's door: "Slot Slut"

6. On Moonie's door: "Would you like the rules to Vegas"

5. On Wizzie's door: "Coma Ward" and "Barf King"

4. On Becky's door: "John Rocker is my hero and I'm having Chipper Jones' baby"

3. On Toonie, Ewe and Court's door: "Sybil's Fan Club stayed here"

2. On Mosin's door: "Where's my raisin toast" or "I found another drink ticket"

And the Number 1 sign I saw on a basher's door:

1. On Silktap and Rjay's door: "Libyan Lubber"

~ BASH TRIVIA QUIZ ANSWERS ~

 1. Stratosphere, Sahara and New York New York
 2. Las Vegas Hilton
 3. May and Murray
 4. Debbie Reynolds
 5. New York New York
 6. Inclinators
 7. Desert Inn
 8. Aladdin
 9. Las Vegas Boulevard
10. Rio's Parking Lot
11. What's On (The Las Vegas Guide)
12. The Pearl Room
13. The Dunes
14. 702
15. Caesar's Palace
16. A Reggae Band
17. Mystiere and O
18. Senator Pat McCarran
19. 250
20. Norm (from Norm's Karaoke)

The BashGram™ is a special supplement to The 'Gram, the official
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